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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Clearly Perfectdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BleedingTears
    ASL Info:    16/f/Neverland
    Elite Ratio:    4.06 - 418/289/62
    Words: 124
    Class/Type: Poetry/Friendship
    Total Views: 929
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 787



    Description:
       When my friend and I started talking, we talked about my poetry and he asked me to write a poem about him and i said i couldnt because i didnt know him well enough. and now i wrote it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsClearly Perfectdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I can see you clearly now.
    All the pieces have been put together
    Your eyes with the sparkle so full of life.
    With such joy put together and a glowing smile.
    Its all put together now.

    I can hear you clearly now.
    The static has vanished from my ears.
    It's all left with your voice echoing through my mind.
    Everything you've said is lying somewhere along with memories.
    It all makes sense now.

    I can feel you smoothly now.
    Every edge and curve on you perfectly along with the beauty within your heart; your soul.
    Not a flaw, not a mark to show, for us to notice.
    It's all perfect now.
    You're clear now...
    I can see right through you.





    Submitted on 2006-06-11 23:28:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      One thing, I don't understand how the person being clear would allow you to see through them. I know it's a saying but it doesnt quite make sense to me. You seem to repeat the same things over and over again but using different words.

    Overall, I like it, I mean it needs work and it was OK...

    Consider re-writing it, it has great potential.

    necrotic
    | Posted on 2007-04-26 00:00:00 | by necrotic | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a pretty good poem. I like the repetition made a unique feel. I hope that since he had to wait for a poem about himself that he was satified and enjoyed it as much as I did. You are a good poet and I hope to read more of your stuff. The one thing that I thought thoughout this poem was if there were more than just fellings of friendship. Well I liked it and keep it up.
    Toodles
    Katie
    | Posted on 2007-01-13 00:00:00 | by Lover girl | [ Reply to This ]
      kewlness, this was so sweet did he like it? the way you set it up with the start of each stanza really made it feel connected which was good with how short this write was. this was such a pure write; it was like real and passionate and I loved how it didnt' feel like you were holding much back; its pretty rare to read something on this site and get that feeling throughout the entire piece. This was a pretty good write and there aren't very many things at all that I can think to tell you to 'improve upon' except maybe (and honestly I have this problem too often as well.) the line lenght because a few of them were a lot longer then the rest but for the most part that isn't a huge deal. anyways nice job with this one, I look forward to reading some more of your writes,
    ~jess
    | Posted on 2006-10-06 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      i really like this poem. its short and sweet. is this about you know who? or someone different? this is a nice comeback piece, and i cant see one thing i would change about it.


    xoxoxoxo,
    billy
    | Posted on 2006-06-13 00:00:00 | by kession | [ Reply to This ]
      Initial thoughts and feelings: this is so sweet, stiring emotions of great friendship, even love.

    I like how you start each stanza. The repetition effectively sets up each stanza which is concluded powerfully with your last lines. Also, the very last line of the poem left me with many emotions.

    On a less technical note, I read your desctiption first, something that I usually try not to do. The story behind your poem is very sweet and I'm glad I read your description first. It set up the rest of the poem and added much more emotion to it. ^_^

    Great writing and I hope to see more of your writing in future.
    | Posted on 2006-06-13 00:00:00 | by Eagle | [ Reply to This ]


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