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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: On the Bathroom Floor.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: brokensmile
    Elite Ratio:    3.1 - 241/326/148
    Words: 312
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 1191
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1901



    Description:
       When you comment about this
    Don't try to be a fucking counselor about it.

    I HATE sympathy
    I know about eating disorders
    I know about self mutilation

    PLEASE COMMENT about the poem
    Not how fucked up I am or shouldn't be.
    -K. Thanks.



    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots On the Bathroom Floor.dots
    -------------------------------------------



    Don't worry dad
    I'll remember to clean up next time
    The next time I find myself in the dark
    With the faucet running over the sound
    Of projectile acid flushing out of my lips
    eating away at my throat,
    stripping skin off of my teeth
    with nothing but cold tile
    And the purest self hate ive ever felt underneath

    Always bent or kneeling
    Pushing my stomache in
    So it comes up all easy
    With my face permanently stuck
    towards the ground
    Ready to eat linoleum
    Ready to die here with my own blood in my mouth
    Lips so red you'd swear i was alive
    But i promise that iv'e heaved myself to death
    One breath at a time.


    The stench
    The taste of chemical fire
    pushing salt
    from the veins stapled into my eyes
    While my hearts in my throat
    Enduring such constricting destruction
    That makes me hurt so bad
    that I just lay on the tile
    all twisted and crumpled
    waiting for it to pass
    feeling it in my throat
    my mouth
    my hair
    my hands
    sometimes I just listen to my heart rotting away
    with the rest of me

    Yes, I'm sure it rots my heart away
    faster slower louder
    10 years off of my life they say
    Makes me never want to do it again
    Makes me never want to cut again
    Makes me never want to hate again
    Makes me want to live again
    So that maybe I would have enough time
    To feel the love that somebody else
    Would never show me
    Because life thus far has shown me
    That I don't deserve such love
    That I don't Contain such love
    So maybe im not trying to be worth it
    maybe now I'm just trying to die.




    Submitted on 2006-06-11 23:59:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Nice write. I could feel the tile beneath my feet as I read it, great imagery. Very detailed and heart-pounding. Keep up the good work hun!
    | Posted on 2006-06-14 00:00:00 | by precious_poetry | [ Reply to This ]
      funny thing is, most people write so much [censored] they dont get, or about their friends or whatever that although readers would probably assume this was auto-biographical, no one would know without the description. on the one hand i could take that to mean you dont care, and BRAVO if you dont because people are overrated, and we all give our opinions too much credit. or on the other hand you could just be trying to make it obvious that this is about you in which case..agh because i dont know you, and wouldnt offer you sympathy if i did because you're doing it, therefore why should i be sorry for what you're doing? anyhow, ahh the poem. great imagery, haha cliché but true. i dont wanna say that i thought it was a little bit too "woe is me" so i will just say i think you couldve done better on the last few lines..loved the start of the last stanza but it went to hell on the no one loves me.. it was good, but it wasnt something most people like to read. im not most people and other people who do it will worship it. and im not saying theres anything wrong with people not wanting to read it..just stating.. most people dont read things that remind them to hate themselves..
    you dont seem like youd give a damn if i said good job since you didnt want my imaginary sympathy..
    | Posted on 2006-06-12 00:00:00 | by EEKS | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved it! I could imagine a girl on the bathroom floor in pain and I could imagine the girl leaning over the toilet. I think it had a great sense of imagery and it was a great free verse. It had great flow and it was easy to read. As in, some poems are hard to read because the lines are broken up at places that make no sense or they are squished together in one paragraph (which isnt even a poem at all) I enjoyed reading it. A poem is a poem; it shouldnt matter what the subject is about. :-)

    Always,

    Adalae
    | Posted on 2006-06-12 00:00:00 | by lifeNsoul1224 | [ Reply to This ]


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