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Author: Je Vous Aime
Elite Ratio:    4.24 - 29 /14 /4
Words: 74
Class/Type: Rant /Depressed
Total Views: 926
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 428



the wind weeps for us
yet we still go astray
the birds pray for us
yet we can't seem to find the right way

we say we are strong
but we break down so easily in this world
that helps us
as well as destroys us

I know this is a test
but why do we always seem to break
why do I always seem to break

Submitted on 2006-06-12 15:28:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Alrighty. I like the ideology behind this. the formation can be improved in adequacy, and word usage. For better personification too maybe add a little color and a better feal as thom which you are attempting to express. I appreciate the description and use of nature for the constructualization of this piece, take care, be well, and all that good shyt
| Posted on 2006-06-14 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]
  This is so true it seems everything you write is true lol

But this is really good wow


| Posted on 2006-07-01 00:00:00 | by BusterLILblock | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked the thought here, but the only thing I liked poetry wise was the first stanza. If you could somehow continue this in that flow without taking away from your own feelings it would be really great. Everything just seemed to fall to pieces in a jumble of thoughts fighting to find the words to explain your feelings. The first stanza was extremely good though, I'd work with this.

| Posted on 2006-06-12 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
  Yeah, I agree with Tox...the first stanza was the most poetic stanza and then it drifted into the world of angst poetry after that. But as far as the sentiment goes...yeah, you're is a test...just dont get too caught up in getting a passing grade too early...cuz it is a lllllooooonnnnngggggg test. Pace yourself.

| Posted on 2006-06-12 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]

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