Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password


Author: Je Vous Aime
Elite Ratio:    4.24 - 29 /14 /4
Words: 118
Class/Type: Poetry /Death
Total Views: 871
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 718


No, I did not kill anybody....


I am sorry for all the hurt I have caused you
for I can't take back what I have done

I am sorry for what I put you through
the choice was truly mine

I'm sorry! I'm just... so sorry!
screams the voice
that once seemed so familiar
it was the voice of a girl
it was my voice

I know you can't forgive me
but it never hurts to try
I just wanted to say that I am sorry
and I didn't mean for you to cry

this is all my fault
and I can't change the past
no matter how hard I try
I didn't mean for you to die

Submitted on 2006-06-12 15:56:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  Like what Toxic_Rayne said, it was an okay poem. The rhyming could of made this better. So did the person die? Or did he die inside? If it only had a little bit more, it would be kinda better. Overall, it's okay.
| Posted on 2006-06-12 00:00:00 | by Finnigan | [ Reply to This ]
  I see this as the 'killing' of someone using words, feelings and probably an emotional bond that is severed... not the physical hurting of a person per se. It has many haunting images and longing qualities and is almost a wistful sigh towards the end... after all of this I sincerely did not mean "for you to die".

Wonderful poetry.
| Posted on 2006-06-14 00:00:00 | by Beulah | [ Reply to This ]
  I thought this was a very powerful write
You captured some incredible emotion with your words
I too have blamed myself for hurting another and then blaming myself even more when they have passed on
It is not your fault
This person has forgiven you Im sure
They are looking down from Heaven and feel sad because you cannot forget the hurt
Trust me they are happier now and only wish you too feel happy as well
I will be Praying for you and Your Friend
God Bless

Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
Thank You
| Posted on 2006-06-13 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  From the first two stanzas it sounded like you were losing your mind to the fact that you, or the character, killed someone...(lol, I know you didn't though) Another thing I actually found funny was when you went on saying 'i know you can't forgive me, but it never hurts to try'...dead people can't forgive...for some reason that was funny to me.
This was an ok piece, I thought you could have made more of it if you rhymed, but it's your choice and your poem...keep on writing!

| Posted on 2006-06-12 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?