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As The World Goes Round

Author: smartblond
ASL Info:    18/F/IL
Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 97 /114 /33
Words: 198
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 1660
Average Vote:    4.0000
Bytes: 1222


I wrote this at 2 o'clock in the morning because i couldn't sleep so it's not the best. Please vote as well as give comments.

As The World Goes Round

As the world goes round and round
Here we are on this ground
This is where we live our life
That we nobly fill with strife
Our emptiness is so consuming
As our end is so ever looming

As the world goes round and round
Here our pathetic race is found
Will we ever be happy?
Will we always want more?
What does our fate have in store?
With this stress ever so rife
Can this only be meaningless life?

As the world goes round
And our sins begin to mound
We sit and waste our lives away
Like a piece of unformed clay
As the world goes round

To scared to take a risk
To frightend to make the jump
To terrified to leap
Can't we even take a chance
Because of our extreme stance
Without cowering in our fears
Or bursting into tears
On the possibility
Of unpredictability

As the world goes round
Worries are ever abound
Quickly our life goes by
And with this you must comply
That you didn't really try
As the world goes round

Submitted on 2006-06-13 16:38:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  This is a very interesting write
I respectively do not fully agree with the statement you are making however
There are plenty of People like me who realize life can be beautiful if you fill it with the positive and not let the negativity invade your soul
With the Positive Energy you inherit you then can spread the beautiful love you hold inside to others so they may move forward
I enjoyed reading this
God Bless

Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
Thank You
| Posted on 2006-06-13 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a very good write, but I'm going to make a few suggestions. First off, I think you should start both of the first two stanzas with "as the world goes round and round' would add a sense of familiarity to it, also because the line that follows does rhyme with it...then you can go on just using 'round' once. I do have to agree with you that it could be better, but most poems that are written in the early hours of the morning can be a little off. So I would seriously suggest working on this, I really think it could be an extremely great poem with a little work. If you even want my help, I'll be more than happy to help. Peace.

| Posted on 2006-06-13 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]

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