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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: As The World Goes Rounddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: smartblond
    ASL Info:    18/F/IL
    Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 97/114/33
    Words: 198
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 969
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1222



    Description:
       I wrote this at 2 o'clock in the morning because i couldn't sleep so it's not the best. Please vote as well as give comments.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAs The World Goes Rounddots
    -------------------------------------------


    As the world goes round and round
    Here we are on this ground
    This is where we live our life
    That we nobly fill with strife
    Our emptiness is so consuming
    As our end is so ever looming

    As the world goes round and round
    Here our pathetic race is found
    Will we ever be happy?
    Will we always want more?
    What does our fate have in store?
    With this stress ever so rife
    Can this only be meaningless life?


    As the world goes round
    And our sins begin to mound
    We sit and waste our lives away
    Like a piece of unformed clay
    As the world goes round

    To scared to take a risk
    To frightend to make the jump
    To terrified to leap
    Can't we even take a chance
    Because of our extreme stance
    Without cowering in our fears
    Or bursting into tears
    On the possibility
    Of unpredictability

    As the world goes round
    Worries are ever abound
    Quickly our life goes by
    And with this you must comply
    That you didn't really try
    As the world goes round






    Submitted on 2006-06-13 16:38:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a very interesting write
    I respectively do not fully agree with the statement you are making however
    There are plenty of People like me who realize life can be beautiful if you fill it with the positive and not let the negativity invade your soul
    With the Positive Energy you inherit you then can spread the beautiful love you hold inside to others so they may move forward
    I enjoyed reading this
    God Bless
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-06-13 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very good write, but I'm going to make a few suggestions. First off, I think you should start both of the first two stanzas with "as the world goes round and round'...it would add a sense of familiarity to it, also because the line that follows does rhyme with it...then you can go on just using 'round' once. I do have to agree with you that it could be better, but most poems that are written in the early hours of the morning can be a little off. So I would seriously suggest working on this, I really think it could be an extremely great poem with a little work. If you even want my help, I'll be more than happy to help. Peace.

    *tox*
    | Posted on 2006-06-13 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]


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