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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lifedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Localfreak
    ASL Info:    37, Maybe, Here
    Elite Ratio:    5.37 - 131/123/76
    Words: 96
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1163
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 683



    Description:
       What is there to say?

    Maybe you knew her, maybe not.
    but believe me she was there


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLifedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Wide eyed wandering, drifting through the fog
    Selling dying flowers
    From an oversized coat

    Saw the wraith arising, beneath a hooded cloak
    While selling dying flowers
    In the darkness of the night

    Shone upon a miracle too bright to show ‘twas fake
    As you sell your dying flowers
    Amongst the dead you’ll never wake

    Blind eyed, staggering, believing but your ears
    Still selling dying flowers,
    Still fearing children’s fears

    White faced awakening, ‘neath a sweat soaked paper shroud
    Lying ‘midst dying flowers
    In the darkness, in the ground





    Submitted on 2006-06-13 18:20:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Another powerful write :) I love the repetition of 'selling dying flowers'. The last stanza was definately my favourite, I enjoyed the way it ryhmed and the unusual structure of the long first line and then two short lines. The only thing and this is purely a suggestion would be to tell it perhaps from the third person using 'she' inside of your, I tried reading it aloud both ways and thought 'she' flowed better, either way I enjoyed it ~Sunset

    PS-If you get a chance I'd really like to know what you think of my write 'like a twisted bitter trunk' I think it resounds some of what your discussing in this write
    | Posted on 2006-06-13 00:00:00 | by sunset | [ Reply to This ]


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