DISTURBING MALE DANCER -------------------------------------------
he was dancing naked at divine's birthday party
long hair and shaggy beard
70s captain caveman look
not really my type
but all at once the dance was about ludeness
not eroticism
his anus opening and closing and opening
and like a car wreck passed on the street
no one could look away
it was that shocking
jesus was there shaking his head
i was wondering what would happen next
not blushing or looking away
or saying oh my god make it stop
pulled in by the dance and the gaze of the camera
that invited me to watch
until my gaze replace the camera
taking in this strange hairy shameless man
maybe jesus wasn't shaking his head at the man or the camera
but at me for being so wrapped up in captain asshole there
all my so called morals down the drain in the blink of an eye
the image of that undulating anus burned into my memory
or the next several days.
Everyone is a watcher. There is always something that you see that makes you think my eyes are gonna burn right out of my head but still you cant look away. I was intrested by the title and found i was not let down.You did a wonderfull job describing how we all watch no matter how nasty it makes us feel.
Wow, this was... disturbing lol. I'm not sure what to say...
I'm thinking that this was a dream? Because if it was real life, that would be... rather twisted. And making me wonder why you didn't get up and leave as soon as the boxers started coming off lol.
If I look at this analytically through dream-symbolism I pick up on a few things: repression/denial, confusion, disgust and an inner spiritual crisis, what with the "Divine" and Jesus figuring quite prominently in this prose of yours.
There's voyeurism in here too... the feeling that you can't look away... sort of like a grisly murder scene in a movie-- everyone knows it's gross but that still doesn't stop people from watching.
Personally, I think that this piece lacks something... a tie-in perhaps. If this is metaphoric (which I'm sure it is) I think there needs some slight clarification.
Hmm. Upon a further read, the confusion is really evident in this persona of yours, so maybe having it like this is fine.
Sigmund Freud would've had a field day with this one lol. Peace, Jase
Um...this made some messed up images in my head, thanks. This title made me curious as to what the poem would be like, um..the poem was just wow, interesting piece. I'm sorry you had to see this guys anus, really sorry about that. Now some errors I saw..Atleast I thought they were errors.
1) "until my gaze replace the camera"
I think it should be "replaced"..past tense, right?
2)"but at me for being so wrapped.."
Instead of "at" it should be "as"..I think.
Well thats about it for grammer errors. This was an interesting little write here. Disturbed me somewhat..The last thing I want to see in my head is some guys buthole opening and closing, once again thanks for the mental image..in the morning, lol. Anywho nice piece, it was creative.
Very, very, very, very, very, very interesting write.
Normally I would never comment on some like this but for some reason felt sort compelled to, don't know why though.
The imagery in this is just...ugh...to say the least but your writing none the least was good. It had a flow to it, though its a piece of prose, that made it read very smoothly.
One nit pick in this line
'or the next several days.'
That 'or' seemed like it should be for. Other than that everything seemed to be in order as it concerns grammar and such.
Its interesting.. I liked the bit about you becoming the camera..
Very detailed description.. I kind of feel dirty for clicking on the poem entitled "disturbing male dancer".. I was curious.. just like you were when looking at this guy.. Just like people are when looking at car crashs..
i watched that movie and thought it was more funny then disturbing i made my family watch it one whole summer back in 94 we had so much fun funny thing is i read somewhere "THAT GUY" is actually an accountant and was just doing it for kicks...
Submission Name: DISTURBING MALE DANCER
