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    dots Submission Name: The Break Updots

    Author: sunset
    ASL Info:    21/F/Melb, Australia
    Elite Ratio:    4.45 - 76/46/32
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 843
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 644

       I wrote this for my best friend when her bf of 2 years broke up with her

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Break Updots

    I see her tears
    I feel her pain
    Her smile fading now.
    She loved him so,
    He let her go
    Her heart is breaking now.
    All the times
    She spent with him
    Play back in her mind.
    I see her memories,
    I watch her cry
    Because itís over now.
    I hold her hand,
    Pull her close
    Comfort my best friend.
    But I cannot change
    Or even mend, the pieces of her
    Inside his fragile hands.
    I wish I could,
    Take it back
    Bring the light into her eyes.
    Show her that,
    Thereís better days,
    With bluer skies.

    Submitted on 2006-06-13 23:33:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Aww Call me sensitive, but that almost made me cry. Not because I felt her pain (which I could not even begin to do, although I've felt something similar), or felt bad for her, it's because it's nice to know that she has such a wonderful friend who cares that much.
    I like the way you wrote it too.
    What else can I say?

    Very beautifully done
    | Posted on 2006-06-27 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      First of all, I thought this was pretty okay. I loved the last part as it tied up, "Show her that,
    Thereís better days,
    With bluer skies." From there I was like, it came out in the end but where's the good stuff all around. I just noticed that three of your sentences ended in now. See, from my view I would think that now would stick to the end or be continously. Good read.
    | Posted on 2006-06-13 00:00:00 | by Finnigan | [ Reply to This ]
      awwww that was so sweet, from the title I really expected to read about you and a BF you had but it was so sweet that ou wrote one for ur best friend. I agree with nikki, it is awesome to know that your friend has an amazing friend like you to be there for her and I'm sure with ur help and a little time....maybe another guy;) she'll move on, at least I hope, some guys really aren't worth your pain,
    great write,
    | Posted on 2006-06-27 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]

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