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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Invisible Girldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mr.Wednesday
    Elite Ratio:    2.67 - 5/12/5
    Words: 363
    Class/Type: Poetry/Friendship
    Total Views: 1104
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2030



    Description:
       A letter to a very special friend.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInvisible Girldots
    -------------------------------------------


    Invisible girl, trapped in a Snow-Globe,
    Show me the demons that walk by your side.
    Please lift your veil of transparency
    And let me walk in your field of madness.
    I need to know what haunts your reverie;
    Tell me the secrets that whisper in your ear.

    If voices do haunt you let me be your ears.
    I hope I know how to face this with you;
    I may never understand your new way of life.
    Your new identity is quite a change
    From the girl I knew; the girl inside you,
    The girl from the photographs on the wall.

    So here you are; confined by these four walls;
    Your enclosure, forever colorless and bare.
    Days pass and you lie on their cold, hard bed
    They’ve taken all sharp objects from you,
    No one trusts you here-you can’t trust yourself;
    And so you retreat, into your Snow-Globe.

    Invisible girl, trapped in a Snow-Globe,
    Let’s hold hands and walk on an autumn day.
    The coloured leaves will serve as nature’s trail;
    We’ll watch the sunset in the horizon.
    Invisible girl, I need you out here.
    Your mask of mania will not scare me.

    Delirium has been unknown to me.
    I know not what to tell you; what to say,
    Except, that everything will be alright…
    You’ve always helped me through arduous times.
    Now it is my turn to look after you;
    I will brush the hair from your eyes this time.

    The doctors say you’ll be out in good time.
    They will not tell me how you are doing.
    So I wait, patiently and composed
    I think of ways, to make you feel better;
    One day, our smiles will slay your demons
    Until that day, you must keep in mind:

    When you’re lonely, hold your ear to the wall;
    Pressed against your Snow-Globe, listen for me.
    Give me the time and I will ease your mind.

    (I promise)




    Submitted on 2006-06-14 16:53:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This time the poem brought a tear to my eye.
    Aw.
    What can I say...
    Oh. I know:
    Repetition of a few words:
    -ear
    -trust
    -time
    I would, personally, find synonyms to replace.
    Also, try to refrain from starting a new stanza with the word "So."

    All else I've said on HGP...hm.
    So. How are you?
    Yeah? Me too. Sort of.
    Sort of.
    Ok.
    Well. I think I took enough of your time. I'll see you sometime Sunday. I work from 1-7pm so I'll be at Nonnina's later.
    Bye bye Papo.
    | Posted on 2006-06-16 00:00:00 | by JenFlynn | [ Reply to This ]
      Incridible. Absolutley amazing. Your way of writing reminds me alot of my self, esxcept you have a lot better grammar, and you have a way of putting the reader behind the eyes of the poem, so they can see exactly what you want them too. And when it is nesiscary (sp) you put your views outside there heads, so we're not thinking constritidly. Thanks for your inspiring words.

    JetPilot.
    | Posted on 2006-06-14 00:00:00 | by JetPilot | [ Reply to This ]
      awww how sweet. She is a lucky to have a champien like you by her side... I recently had to help a freind deal with a mental illness and I know how hard it is to fight demons you can't see.. This is a beautiful poem. Good luck.
    | Posted on 2006-06-14 00:00:00 | by mimi | [ Reply to This ]
      This is so sincerly sweet! There something always sad about the things that you right, and the meaning of the snow globe is never lost through out the piece. I love the depth and the different levels that you wrote in. Truly, this is a magical piece. I also find myself feeling this way for a friend who is has been admitted for depression. I feel that way for her since she's a close friend, and I feel as if she is trapped away from me, close, but not close enough. Wonderful piece! I look forward to reading many more of your writings.

    Cheers,
    ~Persephone~
    | Posted on 2006-06-14 00:00:00 | by Persephone | [ Reply to This ]


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