Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Other Me, Vdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Darkstar9500
    ASL Info:    18/male/Missouri
    Elite Ratio:    3.36 - 39/56/19
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 689
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 737



    Description:
       This is about my other half of me, V. He is the make-up of my pain, anger, and sorrow. I fear the day he is able to free himself. Many ways both of my sides overlap. It's confusing to understand. It scares me when I get depressed because that's when I can feel him the strongest. At times it is him that is talking not me. It scares me, but at the same time I embrace it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Other Me, Vdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Pain, sorrow, anger, power
    emotions forced away
    to protect those I love

    The blood spilt out of pain
    Running down from the wounds
    soaking the ground red

    The emotions expeled
    The blood spilt
    Form together to create new life

    Another side of me
    he is valorious, vigilant
    cast as both victim and villian

    With sweet words he calms
    With actions he speaks
    More than flesh, and idea

    Enslaved in another
    Struggling to get free
    Capable of so much

    Making visits to reality
    when the other is weak
    mask made of another's flesh
    Carring out his Vendetta




    Submitted on 2006-06-14 21:22:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is decidedly reminiscent of V for Vendetta, both the graphic novel and the movie. Next time, if you're going to borrow from someone else's creation, you really ought to at least refer to the fact that you're doing it. Otherwise, this isn't bad. Always enjoy the idea of split personalities, though this may be more of an alter-ego sort of thing, which is fine too. You might want to change "valorious" to "valorous," I think that's the way it's spelled. Also, to make the first stanza more cogent, you might want to do something about the word "power," because directly afterwords, you describe the precedents as emotions, and power isn't an emotion. Might also want to make the puncuation more consistent. But barring that mostly small stuff, good job.
    | Posted on 2006-06-15 00:00:00 | by Aaron Felix | [ Reply to This ]
      your ignorant if u really believe that u have two sides, and that there is another person inside that will eventually take over. wake up and live in the real world again rick. get a grip and stop this nonsense.
    | Posted on 2006-06-15 00:00:00 | by CutMeDeeper | [ Reply to This ]
      gesh rick. i got the friggen chills when i read this i mean i know u always tell me u have a darker side its just u made it sound both beautiful and dangerous at the same time and i love it!

    all the love
    nikki
    | Posted on 2006-06-14 00:00:00 | by nikita2u | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    107187

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry