Description: well would u look at that another poem
this needs major editing ..
so i just changed a little things, not much, but i think it seems a little better ...
It's mostly more of the idea than the actualy poem. The idea of hearing a story of someone's life, but not knowing the details...just knowing that this is what the character went through, not knowing how it got solved - or did it? It's probably really boring and useless but at least im trying :(
try to enjoy it, plz hehe ...
A Short Story -------------------------------------------
The story begins with the fuzziness of life.
The good times, the laughter,
the friends, the family -
The part where you feel like it shall be a happy story.
Then begin the conflicts -
the fights, the tears.
The thought is that now things will be messy,
Or will they?
The conflicts continue -
going from the outside
to the interior of the main character.
Hitting his heart, his soul.
Pain, hurt, tears.
Anger produces cutting words,
slaying at the character's heart.
More fights - now within himself.
The protagionist's solution:
"I'll continue living with this pain, it will eventually go away, be solved."
Or will it?
You are still under the impression that things will work in the story.
Maybe you are right ...
They just might ...
The story concludes with the fuziness of life.
Some battles are lost, but the war has been won.
The conflicts have been solved.
The character is happy.
Hey Deeps, I liked the concept of the whole idea--a little rough around the edges, but who cares. Maybe you could personalize the tone of it, stick yourself within the plot--your story. Place yourself in it and describe it as you feel it--- the words will come after the motions of your fingers. But for now, all is well---very well! -stacey M.-
Personally, I think that you are in the right track... considering your age (even though I know that its probably not one of the best things to consider.) The piece had a solid form... it triggers a lot of thoughts... it's OK. Actually, I think that in the right light, mood, whatever... it can be more than ok.
What I like about it is how seemingly offhand it appears - the way you seem unsure of the composition but is very well aware of the consequences.
I think that the ultimate lesson you're driving at here is how important it is to finish something that has been started. And books... as they are... should not be judged by their covers.