A kettle's serenade by Eagle

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: A kettle's serenade dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	Eagle
ASL Info:	18, M, Australia
Elite Ratio:	3.47 - 22/38/15
Words:	83

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	184
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	613

Description:
~~ Please read the poem first! ~~
~~ Please read the poem first! ~~
~~ Please read the poem first! ~~

This is a bit of a poem spoiler.
Basically, this poem is how I felt before meeting the love of my life. All comments welcome, but please try to include your interpretation of the poem before reading this. I like to know how people perceve my writing and the different readings they come up with.

Anywhoo, a quick run through. Turtle years: turtles live for a very long time. The expression Turtle years is meant to emphasise how long and drawn out each day, each week, each month, each year is with many more monotonous days to follow. A withered dim cast from within basically means that I've given up on love. A snail with no shell exposed to death's icy breath: Basically means I have no shield, no support group and nothing like parents/friends etc. to rely on and create an emotional shield for attacks, even simple sly comments or looks, that may come my way.

Blackened coals, flame dare not disturb: The flame of love has long since died out and no one dare try to illuminate it again. A lonely swan: Swans mate for life, a lonely swan = not good. The ugly duckling: I'm asian, I've copped a lot by even my friends in the past and not so long ago I developed into pretty much an outcast.

Metamorphosis’s such as a butterfly from its tainted cocoon: Someone broke through. I lost my tainted past and was loved. The last stanza: I have found love. The fire in the black coals of my heart has been reignited. The warmth from the stove means the kettle sings a lovely song.

Hope you enjoy ^_^

A kettle's serenade dots

-------------------------------------------

A ship with no captain,
A lighthouse with no keeper.
Wandering away the turtle years,
A withered dim cast from within.

A snail with no shell
Exposed to death’s icy breath.
A stove that illuminates no warmth,
Blackened coals, flame dare not disturb.

A lonely swan,
The ugly duckling cast out by feathered peers.
Metamorphosis’s
Such as a butterfly from its tainted cocoon.

White doves
Find roost in ghost’s deathly stove.
Heat soars, heart’s fire roaring;
The kettle serenades.

Submitted on 2006-06-15 05:00:34 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  In this write the first thing that comes to my mind is how Global Warming is affecting the Earth
I dont know if thats what you were going for
but if you read this write slowly to yourself one definately gets that feeling
You did very well with this
I look forward to reading more new writes from you
God Bless
Ron

please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
Thank You
Ron
| Posted on 2006-06-15 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  Okay I stopped reading your description and came back here straight away.

I got the impression of an "old maid" in your poem. Someone that love has either passed by, or has never gotten over a broken heart.

Finally, the doves of peace settle as love comes again, after a long, long absence.

So, I'll now go and read your explanation, but, as a metaphor, it's a very good one.

well done

be happy

Graeme
| Posted on 2006-06-15 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
  hey, another aussie. good to see it.

i kind of get the impression at the start of lonliness, and the vulnerabliity. im sorry to read that you feel that vulnerable. with the swan reference i kind of got something different, becasue swans are so highly territorial, (or at least from the stories ive read) so i got the being moved from place to place, just being outcast. i get a lot of that being german, when our class studied ww2, being treated like i was responsible. my family suffered just as much as any one else, only my family was speaking german to tell eachother to hide from the bombs.

the end though, i got more of a trapped feeling,

White doves
Find roost in ghost’s deathly stove.
Heat soars, heart’s fire roaring;
The kettle serenades.

white doves finding roost in an oven, makes me feel so trapped, but that might be becasue im a little claustrophobic. the heat soars, hearts fires roaring strikes me, as what i felt when i met my boyfriend. its an instant connection.

im glad youve found someone, and its given you the strength to handle being different. it is always hard to deal with discrimination.

eowyn
| Posted on 2006-06-15 00:00:00 | by eowyn | [ Reply to This ]
  This is pretty good. The symbolism seems pretty straightforward, except at the end,

"White doves
Find roost in ghost’s deathly stove."

Now, using the dove as the generic symbol for peace, doesn't this imply that peace is found in death? It seems a bit morbid in context of the rest of the poem, and from your description which I read after, you said you meant to describe your transition from hopeless and outcast to loved and in love. That's the only part I don't get. Otherwise, solid stuff, nice word choices, good all around.
| Posted on 2006-06-15 00:00:00 | by Aaron Felix | [ Reply to This ]
  This can give so many different ideas! It had my brain racing. It felt so cold and alone in the start. I like that you use turtle years. If I'm not mistaking your meaning... that is a long freaking time. I was really into it up til the 3rd line of the last stanza. I haven't read your description so I don't know what it means to you, but I thought it was kind of disturbing. . . like you burned some doves in an oven and they are screaming. Maybe I'm ignorant. I don't know, but it did occur to me that in death perhaps there's a sweet relief for the doves? I'm hoping so.
As far as nitpicking there are two changes I would make (but will take no offense if they don't work for you):
"Blackened coals, flame dare not disturb."
either I would say "flames dare not disturb" or flame dares not disturb"
and I would take out the words "Such as" from the butterfly line. I think it softens the impact of the line's meaning.
Anyhow, I enjoyed reading your work and will definitely come back for more.
Thanks for sharing (really... not in that generic way)
jessica
| Posted on 2006-06-19 00:00:00 | by parabola | [ Reply to This ]

Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

[ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
[ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.