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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Mornin' Gloriadots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: JetPilot
    ASL Info:    18/m/ont
    Elite Ratio:    4.37 - 46/30/15
    Words: 152
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 1165
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 853



    Description:
       I wrote this, about 15 minutes ago on the back of a cereal box with a sharpy. And now I'm stuck infront of a computer, but it's getting windy anyways...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMornin' Gloriadots
    -------------------------------------------


    My eyes are just pulling themselves open,
    and adjusting to the light
    that was not there when I went to sleep.
    So I throw my legs over the side of the bed,
    and drag myself to the kitchen for coffee.
    And everything is dead quite,
    it's a sureal silence.
    I can see the sun
    try and break above the trees,
    but it seems to be
    having a hard time this morning,
    the clouds are forcing it to stay hidden:
    and there's nothing I can do.
    I step onto my front porch,
    and the moisture from the dew
    trickles down my throat,
    and teases my lungs.
    I start thinking, this is beauty.
    The mist off the grass,
    the still life of the trees,
    the sun off the lake.
    I guess this is why I wake up every morning.




    Submitted on 2006-06-15 05:10:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Very interesting story. There is a little issue with grammar. Grammar gives your piece flow and clarity. I think that your point would come about a lot clearer if you took care of the grammar. i am a little bit of a freak when it comes to that but I do believe it to be absolutely neccessary. The other thing is there is a line that doesn't feel right coming off my tongue. The line that reads "And everything is dead quite, " does, for whatever reason stick out a little. Other than that very creative and interesting. Keep up the good work.

    -Porter
    | Posted on 2006-06-15 00:00:00 | by Mr.Wednesday | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey. nice stuff. I especially like the realism I feel in this. No fancy poetical metaphors, just real life as everyone knows it.

    The way you made your feelings known was subtle and interesting. "Sureal" s/be "surreal"

    Very well done, I'd call this a nature poem with a very nice difference.

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2006-06-15 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]


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