[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Mornin' Gloriadots

    Author: JetPilot
    ASL Info:    18/m/ont
    Elite Ratio:    4.37 - 46/30/15
    Words: 152
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 1165
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 853

       I wrote this, about 15 minutes ago on the back of a cereal box with a sharpy. And now I'm stuck infront of a computer, but it's getting windy anyways...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMornin' Gloriadots

    My eyes are just pulling themselves open,
    and adjusting to the light
    that was not there when I went to sleep.
    So I throw my legs over the side of the bed,
    and drag myself to the kitchen for coffee.
    And everything is dead quite,
    it's a sureal silence.
    I can see the sun
    try and break above the trees,
    but it seems to be
    having a hard time this morning,
    the clouds are forcing it to stay hidden:
    and there's nothing I can do.
    I step onto my front porch,
    and the moisture from the dew
    trickles down my throat,
    and teases my lungs.
    I start thinking, this is beauty.
    The mist off the grass,
    the still life of the trees,
    the sun off the lake.
    I guess this is why I wake up every morning.

    Submitted on 2006-06-15 05:10:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Very interesting story. There is a little issue with grammar. Grammar gives your piece flow and clarity. I think that your point would come about a lot clearer if you took care of the grammar. i am a little bit of a freak when it comes to that but I do believe it to be absolutely neccessary. The other thing is there is a line that doesn't feel right coming off my tongue. The line that reads "And everything is dead quite, " does, for whatever reason stick out a little. Other than that very creative and interesting. Keep up the good work.

    | Posted on 2006-06-15 00:00:00 | by Mr.Wednesday | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey. nice stuff. I especially like the realism I feel in this. No fancy poetical metaphors, just real life as everyone knows it.

    The way you made your feelings known was subtle and interesting. "Sureal" s/be "surreal"

    Very well done, I'd call this a nature poem with a very nice difference.

    be happy

    | Posted on 2006-06-15 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]