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    dots Submission Name: Alzheimer'sdots

    Author: Departed One
    ASL Info:    17
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 678/290/48
    Words: 188
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 1716
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1264

       All comments are appreciated and will be returned.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I visited mom the other day,
    she was doing good.
    Well...she remembered who I was
    this time,
    and she didn't have
    that one-way-only stare.

    We had a few laughs
    and we talked a good while,
    then the subject of you
    came up.

    I told her you were busy
    and couldn't make it
    but maybe next time,
    you could.

    I think she knew
    I was lying,
    she could always tell.
    But she would never say
    anything until I admitted.

    I had a talk with her doctor too,

    "She will be getting worse soon,
    going into the final stages
    and she might not make it to
    the end of the year."

    I hope he is wrong,
    I want her around,
    I don't want to lose her.
    Is that selfish?
    To want her to live
    even though I know
    she is suffering.

    I really think
    you should take some time,
    go visit her,
    even if she's having a bad day.
    She would really appreciate
    the company,
    even if its an unfamiliar face.
    But I think her heart will know
    that it is you.

    Submitted on 2006-06-15 08:53:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hey Jason,

    I think this piece is very touching and makes the reader experience something that he or she has never encountered first hand or has dealt with it and reflects upon it through the eyes of someone else.

    When i saw the first "You", I actually belived you were talking to me, just for a little second though. But still, that was a state of surprise for a little while. To me, the person who you refered as "you" Seemed to be someone close to this old lady and refuses to visit her because he's afraid that she will not recognize her or probably because he doesn't want to see her get worse and doesn't want to loose her.

    You've done really nicely....It had a special effect on me and i appreciate your words on this piece.
    Do take care and i do hope we meet again soon.

    | Posted on 2006-06-15 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      Jesus Jason, this is so sad and scary in a sense.
    I would never want this to happen to me, I would like to die of anything else except something that makes you forget everything.
    That just scaries the heck out of me.

    Despite the subject I enjoyed this though.
    Keep up the great work

    | Posted on 2006-06-15 00:00:00 | by Dragon of Roses | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good poem. Reading this makes me think that you have experienced or are experiencing this first hand. I know an awful lot about this disease. Being a nurse I have cared for many people with this condition. It is very sad. I am fortunate that I dont have anyone in my family with this disease but seeing it as often as I do in my profession I know how prominent it really is and how devestating it is not only to the sufferer but also the family. You express yourself well with your words and like I said before this one reads as something personal to you. If it is, I am sorry for you having to go through this with a loved one. I understand how difficult it really is. The only suggestion I have for you with this one is the person that you talk to in this about your mom is a bit vague. You never allow the reader to understand who this person is. Perhaps if you mention at least the relationship here it would be clearer to the reader. A small detail really but it did make me curious as to who this was. Very good job with this one. Take care.

    | Posted on 2006-06-15 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Jason...I am at a lost for words. You did a great job with speaking about what it is like to have a family member with Alzheimer's. It was realisitc and it was heartfelt. I like the way you made the reader aware that even if the woman did not recall their face, a visit would be still treasured deep down by the mother. This was well written and I had to dab away a few tears. You did great my friend.

    | Posted on 2006-06-17 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok, I have something in my eyes. I hate it when that happens.

    My grandfather was taken fown by Alzheimer's. And it will get tothe point when you will be ready for her to go.

    I couldn't find any thing I thought might be improved in this horribly sad piece.

    So I'm going to say, good write and good luck.

    Take Care,

    | Posted on 2006-06-15 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
      I found this poem really touching. And written like it is so real. You did a great job with that.
    So ehm I dont know much to say about this, yeah well I like how you descrribed the things.
    I most of the times suck at commenting on prose, so excuse me for that. I first thought It was a poem and I was about to say the flow wasnt that good, but seen it is prose.. It is because you gave it this format. because with prose I expect the lines to be.. outlined.
    But if you like it this way, then do so.
    I think it is a good thing you write about serious topics like these.. Maybe because then people won't forget about those people, wo are hungry, [that poem you deleted >_<] or people who are ill..
    Ok so actually I dont have something useful to say.

    | Posted on 2006-06-15 00:00:00 | by Darth Zeus | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very emotional piece. It hits home because I want to go see my great grandma who is fast deteriorating mentally and physically, but it kills me when she thinks I'm someone else.... I know I need to see her, but it is so hard and I always want to just cry when I'm with her. This piece made me feel like no matter what, I should visit because its the emotional connection that matters not the face or the name. I love her and she needs that love now. Nice going... you got me all teary-eyed at work!
    I don't know if this is from personal experience but it certainly came across that way. The piece definitely conveyed a message, provoked emotion, and was well written well. I couldn't find any changes needed.
    | Posted on 2006-06-28 00:00:00 | by parabola | [ Reply to This ]
    This is an outstanding write
    I dont know how I missed this for so long
    This write really touched a nerve with me
    My Grandfather died at 97 and one of his last wishes was to see the whole family again but some of them just felt they didnt have the time or energy to visit him
    That broke my Heart Jason
    This was a kind Loving man who only wanted to know that everyone was going to be ok
    You captured that sentiment beautifully with this one
    Your writes always make me think and I swear I see a little of my own life in every one
    God Bless
    Your Friend
    | Posted on 2006-06-20 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      This was pretty darn good my dear. This whole scenario is a very real and very scary to think about. I have tried to write about this very subject and for some reason it just bothers me so much, that I just can't seem to do it. I really liked the ending to this piece. I hope that should this ever happen to me, even if I couldn't remember a face that somewhere deep down I would know who they were. I rely on the fact that "the heart never forgets". I have to say that this was a very good write and brought out a lot of different emotions for me. The only thing that I have to really say as far as critiquing is....

    even if she having a bad day.

    I'm thinking should say "even if she's having a bad day".

    Otherwise as I said, this was very good. Keep it up! I really appreciate a lot of the subject matters that you write about. Some of them are very difficult to touch on without experiencing them yourself. You write about them as if you've been in those shoes for a lifetime. I love the raw emotion that you bring to the table.

    | Posted on 2006-06-15 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]

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