Peace from Beyond
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Description:
It's a sunny but cloudy day, I'm looking at the skies, and this just sort of is on my mind.
Peace from Beyond
I lift my face to heaven, I look past the clouds, I look beyond the blue atomsphere keeping Earth inside. I look outside our solar system, Into the outer stars, I look beyond the universe's edge where silence does reside. That is where I see him, The lord above all lords. That is where he makes his home, Surrounded on all sides by music: strong angelic chords. Then I see him looking back, Looking back on me. I am ashamed of my sin. But he welcomes me back again. Men may argue and men may run, Men may clash with sword and gun, But until the day I am gone, I will see his face, and find peace in that time. |
Submitted on 2006-06-15 19:05:28 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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| The flow was off a tad bit. A good method I've discovered is to count the syllables in each line. That way, you can systematically order your words... I'm a perfectionist =] But make sure that EVERY line isn't identical- it'll sound really boring. Seriously. Anyways. Yay for the theme, though. Go Joe. I look beyond the universe's edge where silence does reside. I believe that THAT was my favoritest line. Dunno why.. it's just awesome. But... your sudden change in format kind of startles the reader... at first it's almost like you made a mistake. ...I guess that might be how you wanted it. Maybe you should put a line inbetween, or somehow make the transition smoother. I'm gonna comment all your posts, since I need the percentage to post my OWN poems. By the way, you need at least 73%, in case you were wondering. At least think about the counting syllable thing. The rest is up to you. - T o x i c R o s e | Posted on 2006-06-18 00:00:00 | by Toxic Rose | [ Reply to This ] | nice poem u got there fellow, ussually i dont reag religious ones, but this one had a flow that was awesome, and for whatever you did, he'll forgive you aint he? anyway nice description, and it was clear, i could see it forming into my head as the pictures came together to make it live, so good work, and keep it up ! |   the best flow was at stanza 3 especially the last line of stanza 3, it was amazing the flow, so cya around mate!Wolfeye- | Posted on 2006-06-16 00:00:00 | by Wolfeye_666 | [ Reply to This ] | |
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