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Peace from Beyond

Author: SilverLightning
Elite Ratio:    2.93 - 9 /11 /5
Words: 125
Class/Type: Poetry /Religious
Total Views: 941
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 766


It's a sunny but cloudy day, I'm looking at the skies, and this just sort of is on my mind.

Peace from Beyond

I lift my face to heaven,
I look past the clouds,
I look beyond the blue atomsphere keeping Earth inside.

I look outside our solar system,
Into the outer stars,
I look beyond the universe's edge where silence does reside.

That is where I see him,
The lord above all lords.
That is where he makes his home,
Surrounded on all sides by music: strong angelic chords.

Then I see him looking back,
Looking back on me.
I am ashamed of my sin.
But he welcomes me back again.

Men may argue and men may run,
Men may clash with sword and gun,
But until the day I am gone,
I will see his face, and find peace in that time.

Submitted on 2006-06-15 19:05:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  The flow was off a tad bit.
A good method I've discovered is to count the syllables in each line.
That way, you can systematically order your words...
I'm a perfectionist =]
But make sure that EVERY line isn't identical- it'll sound really boring. Seriously.
Yay for the theme, though.
Go Joe.

I look beyond the universe's edge where silence does reside.

I believe that THAT was my favoritest line. Dunno why.. it's just awesome.

But... your sudden change in format kind of startles the reader... at first it's almost like you made a mistake.
...I guess that might be how you wanted it. Maybe you should put a line inbetween, or somehow make the transition smoother.

I'm gonna comment all your posts, since I need the percentage to post my OWN poems.
By the way, you need at least 73%, in case you were wondering.

At least think about the counting syllable thing. The rest is up to you.

- T o x i c R o s e
| Posted on 2006-06-18 00:00:00 | by Toxic Rose | [ Reply to This ]
  nice poem u got there fellow, ussually i dont reag religious ones, but this one had a flow that was awesome, and for whatever you did, he'll forgive you aint he? anyway nice description, and it was clear, i could see it forming into my head as the pictures came together to make it live, so good work, and keep it up ! the best flow was at stanza 3 especially the last line of stanza 3, it was amazing the flow, so cya around mate!

| Posted on 2006-06-16 00:00:00 | by Wolfeye_666 | [ Reply to This ]

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