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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Darkness Reignsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Toxic_Rayne
    ASL Info:    18/f/a happier place
    Elite Ratio:    4.7 - 1314/1095/162
    Words: 144
    Class/Type: Poetry/Vampire
    Total Views: 1266
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 951



    Description:
       hehe...Vampires!!!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDarkness Reignsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    We have no place
    We have no face
    We stalk the streets at night
    Our existance is your plight
    Bound by mental chains
    We feast upon your veins
    Your blood becomes our pleasure
    An emotion you cannot measure
    We hate until the bitter end
    We have hearts you cannot mend
    Torched to the fires of hell
    We are the pain you love to sell
    We are the evil of which you speak
    We are the love in which you seek
    Loved and loathed, yet never ignored
    Souls without salvation spreading discord
    The longing subsides with every feast
    You can cage an animal...
    But never tame the beast
    Engulfed in lonliness, drowning in dispise
    Simply wishing for one day's demise
    Hating what you were, what you will become
    Every loss strikes a nerve...
    We hope it makes us numb









    Submitted on 2006-06-15 20:50:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I really like this poem lil sis, I love stories/poems about vampires so this one makes me faves list!
    Keep up the great work sweety!!!

    Luv ya alwayz!
    | Posted on 2006-06-18 00:00:00 | by psycho_1 | [ Reply to This ]
      "dead bodies everwhere!" sorry, I'm listening to Korn, aren't they one of the best bands ever! Aint terrible, but you've done better. This just seems kinda generic. Hell, hating, outcasted the usual. I actually think you'd m construct a more interesting piece if you challenged yourself not to use the usual rhyming sequence, if any at all, you could do it, but what do I know. not bad, see you around
    | Posted on 2006-06-16 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]
      the poem up until the last two lines sounds a little stereotypical vampire... but when you say,


    "Every loss strikes a nerve...
    We hope it makes us numb"

    it brings you into a "vampire's" mind..and then makes you read it again, all of that they have not done by choice, and so each time they are forced to do something just so they can survive, such as take an innocent human's life, they can only hope that the feeling of being a horrilbe creature gets weaker, just like we do as people. we have to fight so hard to survive, and we are forced to be horrible creatures to others and to ourselves, and all we can do is hope that we get more immune to our conscience, but it never fades, no matter how completely strong we think we are.
    | Posted on 2006-07-19 00:00:00 | by whispered_chaos | [ Reply to This ]
      hehhehehehehhehehehehe VAMPIRES i love them i love this i love you lol yay yay
    | Posted on 2006-06-15 00:00:00 | by supergirl_in_oh | [ Reply to This ]
      it's till about vampires lol
    | Posted on 2006-06-15 00:00:00 | by supergirl_in_oh | [ Reply to This ]
      A very good write, very well indeed. I can just imagine this being on a vampire movie... The third "Underworld" movie, perhaps?
    | Posted on 2006-06-25 00:00:00 | by Saaber | [ Reply to This ]
      This has to be one of the strongest Vampire pieces I have seen in a very long time. The rymeing is perfect but I feel that sme of the syllables are off. Reading it gave me goosebumps and I think I'll add it to my faves. I plan on looking forward to more of your work especially on vampires. i think from you I would most like to see a piece on a specific vampire and what they feel and see and act when they feed upon their prey. you are a great writer and i hope you take into consideration what I have said to you hear. Good luck with future poems and I hope to see many many more by you!
    ~Krystina~
    | Posted on 2006-06-16 00:00:00 | by takenspiritwind | [ Reply to This ]
      I dont know if you wanted to but this was kinda funny. I dont know why but during the whole thing, i was like cracking up and [censored]. Sorry, if i sound like i dont like it, it not that bad but it doesn't sound serious at all to me, more like a parody or something making fun of vampires. The rhyming was pretty damn good but the flow was so perfect that i was about to stand on my desk and start chanting this in hopes of turning into a vampire *looks at himsef* damn it didn't work! These lines right here was so perfect, i envy you.

    "The longing subsides with every feast
    You can cage an animal...
    But never tame the beast"

    This I think so the point of your whole poem, how ppl can think that they can change vampires' nature by trying to make them adapt or something but the nature will always be there cause you can't change a person's nature. I think this can also be said for people. you can never change what a person is, they will always be the same. Very poetic and very flowing, a damn good write.
    | Posted on 2006-06-26 00:00:00 | by Faith_Disease | [ Reply to This ]
      *Sits quietly for a few moments, gathering his thoughts.*

    First and foremost, very well written.. Personally, I would have worked on seperating and lengthening some myself, but that is just me, this piece still works very well, though to my eye, seems unrefined ( sorry :< )
    Also, no apparent spelling errors and such, punctuation is needed in my opinion, but that is just going into nitpicking. If you don't mind me doing so, and don't think it too presumptuous of me, I would like to reconstruct this piece now.. if you dislike what I have done.. please, forgive me.

    On to the fun..

    "Without a place,
    Lost, having no face..
    We stalk the streets warily,
    Prowling, in the dead of night..
    Our existance, your plight.

    Tied in etheral regins,
    Bonded by psychic chains,
    Feasting upon your essence,
    Thy scarlet rivers our pleasure,
    An emotion you cannot measure.

    Bitter, wishing for an ending,
    Hearts, in dire need of mending,
    Condemned forever, in the blacked abyss,
    Constantly plagued, charring our very shell,
    Tormented in the inferno, our very own hell.

    We, the evil which thou speaks,
    We, love in which thou seeks,
    Dark Angels, Feared and Revered,
    Loved and loathed, yet never ignored,
    Salivate tenaciously, spreading our discord.

    Feral hunger, waning with each fete,
    Lessening the want, the need for meat..
    Lock the animal in a cage within,
    Bind it inside, impeding the feast,
    Hopelessly attempting to tame the beast.

    Engulfed in lonliness, drowning in dispise
    Wishing and hoping, for our own demise
    Hating what you were, what you will become
    Every loss strikes a nerve...
    We hope it makes us numb"

    Anyway, hope I don't seem like too much of an ass, and I do hope you enjoy the revisions.


    | Posted on 2006-09-04 00:00:00 | by The Forsaken | [ Reply to This ]


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