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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Undeniabledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: camoflage
    ASL Info:    16/f/nc
    Elite Ratio:    4.51 - 459/295/71
    Words: 267
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1317
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1617



    Description:
       This poem means a lot to me. The inspiration for this came from a truly inspiring relationship


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUndeniabledots
    -------------------------------------------


    Heaven’s mist swirls about her angelic face
    As he holds her and she feels as if she belongs in this place,
    She belongs in his arms.

    Tears grace her eyes
    The happiness is too overbearing to deny,
    She can’t see herself anywhere else.

    Numerous tales of their love have yet to be told
    And never again will her heart be cold,
    As long as she stays forever in his arms.

    She is terrified
    Because his love is still unverified
    She’s scared it may not be true.

    Yet, her heart has been placed in his pocket, his to control
    She’s letting him have all of her, heart and soul,
    She loves him so much, and she trusting him with her heart, even though it scares her.


    His kiss is so tender, and all too true
    And she seems to be transparent because he can see right through
    Everything she’s ever claimed to be.

    She wishes she could give him her everything
    But seeing as she has already given him her heart, she has nothing
    Left to offer.

    Her heart beats twice as fast, and the moments go by twice as slow
    And she shivers from head to toe
    When she’s with him.


    Everything feels right
    When he holds her tight
    It’s as if she’s finally found somewhere she belongs.

    She found somewhere she belongs in a love story as true as time itself
    She’s as honest as she can be, giving all of herself,
    Seeing as where she belongs is right there with him




    Submitted on 2006-06-15 22:17:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is an awesome and beautiful write truly enjoyed reading this one alot, Your writing is
    always filled with deep emotions and feelings that you express very well and always beautfully.

    Ladymustang
    | Posted on 2006-11-12 00:00:00 | by LadyMustang | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! this puts three quarters of my poetry to shame, completely and utterly. This is amazing, the ryming didn't seem forced and it flowed, and with most good poetry i could see the story of this girl flowing through my mind and watching it unravel in front of my eyes. This is a lovely poem.
    | Posted on 2006-07-28 00:00:00 | by BloodtornAngel | [ Reply to This ]
      I have read this before but again i must say this poem was well written but you could have done a little more to it. I have read almost all of your other poems and i know what you are capable of. So keep writing and do your best, and i will keep reading and commenting when ever i can.

    ~Kat~ ~Crescent~
    | Posted on 2006-06-18 00:00:00 | by Crescent | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. This peice is an absolutely beautiful work of art. You stuck with the aab rhyme format, hats off to you. But what's more important about this peice is the earnest feelings that you give the readers through your work. One could see and feel for the girl in this poem. I feel like she is so whimsical and light, but also fragile to this thing called love and it makes her all the more human. Great write.

    Aken Sol
    | Posted on 2006-06-22 00:00:00 | by Aken Sol | [ Reply to This ]
      :D! I can't believe no one's commented on this. I really, really love this! Though... don't feel like you have to explain your poem, I think something gets lost when you know what's going on before you read it. Good poetry needs no explanation! I especially loved:
    She is terrified
    Because his love is still unverified
    :3 I love that. Mmmmm. *tries to point out some more specific things...* Oh! Yeah, the rhyme seemed easy and natural, and that's good... and it didn't detract from the story which is great. Story. I love poetry that tells a story, it makes it interesting and complex and wonderful. Thank you :D ~Cora Windover
    | Posted on 2006-06-16 00:00:00 | by Cora Windover | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
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    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    107307

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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