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    dots Submission Name: Living is Riskydots

    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 117
    Class/Type: Poetry/Happy
    Total Views: 761
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 723


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    dotsLiving is Riskydots

    Bumblebee dragons blue liquid in flagons
    Eight legged spiders pulling the wagons
    Raising our chalice we might seem callous
    We left our children partying at the palace
    But we lost our way on a beautiful day

    Good thing we brought a wagon of whiskey
    Its made us all, so cheerful and frisky
    Now our repartees all frolicsome play
    Just happy to indulge our merry forte
    For mayhem and malice and ravishing Alice
    I just wish she hadn't smacked me with that mallet
    And sent me uh! tumbling down thru the talus

    But I'm having fun and living is risky
    And I know the cure! just drink more whiskey!

    Submitted on 2006-06-16 00:12:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like this, right from the title. "Living is Risky" is such a great title, like one of those absolute truths that somehow we all seem to forget or at least ignore. Life isn't safe, living is most definitely dangerous, and that is the best part about it. What is reward without risk?

    This almost seems like a company party somewhere, all the children left at home while the parents raise mayhem unseen since their single days. Damned if it doesn't just rock to get out and party a bit.

    Either that or an AA meeting gone awry.

    The format is great, and it reads with a terrific rhythm...the kind that just flows out of the mouth like a Dr. Seuss rhyme, never losing step. The only thing I noticed was:

    "But we lost our way on a beautiful day"

    doesn't have a matching line. It doesn't hurt the poem really, as that line sort of serves as a delineator between the lead in and the meat-n-potatoes of the piece. There are also the 3 lines toward the end (the "allus" sounds) that all rhyme together, and those, combined with the solo line, add to the manic mischeif this poem presents. It's like an orderly event where alcohol was not supposed to be served, but was anyways and now all hell is breaking loose. But I figured I should probably add a "critique," so there.

    If there is a deeper meaning, it is lost on me and I would love to hear it. Otherwise, great fun write, the kind that is a joy to read aloud.

    Hope all is well,

    | Posted on 2006-06-16 00:00:00 | by FallenGrace | [ Reply to This ]

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