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Nowhere Land

Author: owlman23
ASL Info:    29/m/al
Elite Ratio:    4.58 - 71 /75 /28
Words: 113
Class/Type: Poetry /Nostalgia
Total Views: 1240
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 737


Thinking on things past and wondering about the missing pieces. I'm not sure it all goes together but I'm sure you'll let me know.

Nowhere Land

Scared to remember
Scared to forget
Don't know what I used to
Don't know if I'll regret

Can't tell all my secrets
Can't tell them all to you
I don't know if they'll hurt
I don't know if they're true

Memories of distant days
Memories of gray
My mind shrouded in a fog
My mind now gone astray

Many years it seems to be
Since we forgot all of those things
Erased a few years of our lives
How now it does still sting.

Will you come and sit with me
And hold onto my hand
Don't let me slide back into
That scary nowhere land.

Submitted on 2006-06-16 03:23:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Nice poem.

My first impression was that you should not usualy repeat words.

I wanted it to say...

"Scared to remember,
affraid to forget."

Then I saw that you repeat the first words in the next two stanzas which make sense if the theme was carried throughout.
But you stop repeating in the last two.

| Posted on 2006-09-24 00:00:00 | by D McDaniel | [ Reply to This ]
  This has good potential. I like what you have here but I feel it could use a bit more detail and elaboration so that the reader can more easily connect with the poem. This poem has a lot of depth and hidden meaning which is very good but not enough information leaving the reader a bit in the dark. If you edit this one you may want to include some how, what, where and when kinda stuff so that when it is read the message is more clearly interpreted. I do think this has a lot of potential, just needs some detail. Take care.

| Posted on 2006-06-16 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]

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