The streets are quiet
All windy and warm
The door is closed so no harm
Air comes through a window.
It did not do it with much dough
Busses all gone for the night.
The door is shut tight.
I feel the air on my nose.
The night is cool.
I now feel the wind because I’m nobody’s fool.
Each hour I sleep and I still yawn.
I rise at dawn.
With the dawn I rise
Not to despise,
I’m awake for the day.
With not any writing pay.
| This poem has potential. You are aiming to describe the atmosphere, and I can quite easily grasp of what you are talking.|
But you are not focused, your thoughts are jumping around. Try to synchronize a little better your feelings and descriptions of night and dawning.
Also the flow is a bit rough.
|| Posted on 2006-06-18 00:00:00 | by Poly Jean | [ Reply to This ] || That is my favorite time of the day. the mroning. the coffee seems frsher at that time lol|
this a fav . I liked it also cause it put me in that atmosphere of the moring you described
|| Posted on 2006-06-16 00:00:00 | by dudethis | [ Reply to This ] |