Her imagination by insphered soul

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Submission Name: Her imagination dots

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Author:	insphered soul
ASL Info:	18/M/ Hmmm?
Elite Ratio:	6.56 - 450/375/90
Words:	82

Class/Type:	Poetry/
Total Views:	328
Average Vote:	5.0000
Bytes:	563

Description:

Her imagination dots

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Walking down a dark alley
her heart skips a beat
as the sound of whispering steps
meet her overworking ears

Two wild cats jump out
she jumps back in fright
pulling out a cross
and a bottle of holy water

Her imagination seems
too real for her to ignore
the increasing tension
swallows her mind

boom boom boom

Her steps echo in the air
quickening with every second
as her fear consumes
her reality of false understanding

Submitted on 2006-06-16 17:19:26 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I liked this.
I've never quite read anything like it, and I think that's a good thing. I'm adding it as one of my favorites.
Angel
| Posted on 2009-05-14 00:00:00 | by bubble_popper15 | [ Reply to This ]
  Makes me think of a book I read recently "Diana Tregarde Investigates", the cross and the Holy water is what made the connection I think. The main character Diana is a "guardian" against things that go bump in the night. Anywho, nice write I enjoyed it.

Owl
| Posted on 2007-10-10 00:00:00 | by owlman23 | [ Reply to This ]
  i've read this before

i could've swore i commented on it

o_0

well, guess not,so...:

i feel that there should be punctuation in the "boom boom boom"

like "boom, boom, boom..."
or "[...]boom...boom...boom..."

it actually appears to be a heartbeat at first, before the next stanza is read

not saying that it shouldnt be, but im kind of curious as to why you chose this as your featured poem

+Moz+
| Posted on 2007-03-17 00:00:00 | by GoKart Mozart | [ Reply to This ]
  Yea zach that was defenitly one of your best and somehow you come up with ths marvoloeus crap that messes with your mind. Its awsome. I am still not done reading all of your poems, but I sure hope to, just keep writin em So I can read your wonderful work
the best part was

two wild cats jump out
she jumps back in fright
pulling out a cross
and a bottle of holy water

that was just imagnative,Nice

~Lance~
| Posted on 2006-07-27 00:00:00 | by red passion | [ Reply to This ]
  Nice poem there insphered soul, I liked it, it's wonderful and marvellous, the last stanza, wooo, the last stanza.... its a twisty turn, and surprised me, and that made it good, even tho living it isnt =S anyway, its good, i hope to be able to read more from you cause what u wrote is A_W_E_S_O_M_E! have five or six or ten or 99 !!! yah, have 99..... lol, how?! no one knows, and never will we eh?

Anyway it's good, didnt see typos, and all those [censored]ty errors, so good lcuk with ur next poems and have a great rest of day, and take care!

Wolfy-
| Posted on 2006-06-16 00:00:00 | by Wolfeye_666 | [ Reply to This ]
  i laughed my ass off.
| Posted on 2006-07-22 00:00:00 | by GiveMeTheGun | [ Reply to This ]
  I like what you've done here Zach, in the way you dropped punctuation in this so that the reader figures it out for him/herself. I think it flows well like this and has enabled you to push your creative boundaries a bit more in terms of freedom to try something new.

You frame a scene well and pull it off with brevity. I sort of imagine a nun walking along in the dark, just because of her carrying a cross and holy water-- I'm not sure who else would be carrying these things on an everyday basis-- unless they were really superstitious/religious lol.

Anyway, it's a nice piece... and it's good to see you writing about subject matter outside of yourself, y'know?
Peace,

Jase
| Posted on 2006-06-16 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
  dude that is so me when i'm walking alone at night. ones fears can be their worst enemy at any time of day...soooo i never walk alone at night anymore. Shapeshifting shadows and invisible eyes tracking my steps just wasn't for me.

there's not much i can say for advice. i like it the way it is...thanks for taking me back to those nights when i was just dying to run like a bat out of hell from something that wasn't even there
| Posted on 2006-06-17 00:00:00 | by MmR | [ Reply to This ]
  "Walking down a dark alley
her heart skips a beat
as the sound of whispering steps
meet her overworking ears

Two wild cats jump out
she jumps back in fright
pulling out a cross
and a bottle of holy water

Her imagination seems
too real for her to ignore
the increasing tension
swallows her mind

boom boom boom

Her steps echo in the air
quickening with every second
as her fear consumes
her reality of false understanding"

Well, this is certainly interesting; a write in which the victim of stalking stalks herself (with a bit of the psychological nod to Mr. Poe's "Tell-Tale Heart"). Frankly, this says volumes about the paranoid state of mind the post 9/11 world finds itself in; fear is more the enemy than any terrorist that could be imagined.

And now I fear there are no nits to pick.
Well done.
Bill.
| Posted on 2006-06-16 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
  It was actually quite subtle for its length... that's what makes it appealing.

I like the human features you scattered throughout the piece and the way you initially treated your character. To me, your voice was quite hushed but I could still imagine a raised eyebrow. Now I can't tell you if that is good or bad but I can tell you that it takes skill to pull it off.

And you did it quite well.
| Posted on 2006-06-16 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
  I like the use of your 'ing' verbs here. They give the poem a ringing, empty sound, like walking down that alley. A wonder if you could make more of them use that form of the verb?
| Posted on 2006-06-16 00:00:00 | by DavidHirt | [ Reply to This ]
  Isn't it amazing what crazy things our imaginations can lead us to believe?

I like the fear that oozes out of this piece!

I'd have put each boom in capitols and given each a line to punch it upa bit, but that's personal preference, not really a suggestion.

I liked the last stanza the best. Her beliefs are no match for reality and when faced with the breaking of her little fantasy she freaks.

Nicely spoke,
nicely wrote,

Take Care!

Chell
| Posted on 2006-06-16 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]

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