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this rage

Author: dudethis
Elite Ratio:    4.07 - 233 /135 /25
Words: 103
Class/Type: Rant /Depressed
Total Views: 1151
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 710


depressed right now

this rage

from the underground
i had sprung when down
hated spat on
fully not grown
left for daisies to push
hurt in ways to stay hush

this is real
noone can feel
the heaviness
of level of stress
i had lived
hard to forgive
when love ones
lie to kids
mom left with guys
father and bro telling lies
sis getting molested
marriage is being tested
homies shamed of you
being ugly having no clue
what is next to do
to make life better
accept for a suicide letter
gun shot to the head
relieving the pain
of reality's dead

Submitted on 2006-06-16 19:11:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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5: Wow!


  heyyy that was different for a suicide rant. nice. i like the way the sentences were not full and the beginning and the end of the rant were awsome.

Da Grim Reaperessssss
| Posted on 2006-08-02 00:00:00 | by DaGrimReaperess | [ Reply to This ]
  Harsh realities are the painfull mistakes of life. To bad the camera was rolling and thus the line its a print.
Life most of the time is not a bowl of cherries. What little we have left when we reach maturity. Can dictate our future. The pices you wrote here I am working one similar to it. Your poem suggest the person is already dead. Also that there is one more final step. Odd in cases such as stairs one can go down the stairs then turn around and go back up the stairs. Once the journey begins going up the stairs starts. You will find more control. As far as the poem goes it is well written. In the form of i feel insinificant or am depressed you conveyd that well. Even through imagery. Good job

Sincerly Gannondalf aka Big Bear
| Posted on 2006-06-24 00:00:00 | by Gannondalf | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow..This is very strong. Gives an awesome picture to follow, almost like someones telling you a story while you're watching a movie. You wrote about daily issues, along with moer personal ones, that in this piece, people can understand how you feel and what you're trying to get off your chest. Keep it up!


| Posted on 2006-07-20 00:00:00 | by giver_of_death | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a very nice poem you have here, but I'm going to make some suggestions.

1~ Try capitalizing the first letter in each line, it makes it more complete and put-together.

2~ Go over your poem and add any needed punctuation, an example would be this..."hated spat on" add punctuation like this <hated, spat on>. It shows the reader when to pause and take a breath and adds more deep feelings to your poem.

4~ Make sure to check over spelling and grammar, like this line right here, "when love ones"...I think you meant <when loved ones>.

Just trying to help ya out ;)

| Posted on 2006-06-17 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
  *gasps* *starts crying histerically* OMGosh daddy... I'm so sorry... It seems somewhat fitting that I would be listening to a rock song while reading your poem. I think that this is a great poem... the only thing I would say to work on is spelling and grammar... but now on a deeper note. I think she's nuts, she has a problem, as i understand, and if she's not letting go of her ex then let it be her problem and her sin. Don't let it get you down because what's-his-face is so not worth it. If you keep letting all this stress get to you you're going to end up dying the same death as my mother... and NONE of us wants that to happen. I love you and I really care about you and so does God and even if you feel like no one else does we do and that's enough (or at least it should be) I may not always be accesable but God is and all you need to do is pray, and in that prayer tell him what's going on and then ask him for wisdom and guidance in your daily life.... I'm here for you, but I'm only human. He's always there and he's all powerful. :)

Much love from your daughter,
| Posted on 2006-07-05 00:00:00 | by dead,yetalive | [ Reply to This ]

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