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    dots Submission Name: barreldots

    Author: Localfreak
    ASL Info:    37, Maybe, Here
    Elite Ratio:    5.37 - 131/123/76
    Words: 79
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1210
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 537

       I'm just really depressed and drinkinmg.. and I'm just so fed up of being second best and worst...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    This throng of bodies
    Pushed all against
    As I still try to rise above

    To remove this vessel
    From where I lay
    Beneath a multitude of sinners

    Inside the soul has tried
    to be the chosen
    But still the body struggles on

    Against those preffered
    from the moist depth
    Of the barrel of the unwanted

    So here I wait, unseen
    And still unwated
    Until but one in desperation

    scrapes the bottom of the barrel

    Submitted on 2006-06-16 21:16:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      this was harder for me to read. not because of what you wrote about but because there wasn't any in line punctuations. when you leave those out, every line just seems to smash together but if thats what you aim for then feel free to ignore this lol.

    overall the poem itself was a good write. the feelings taht drive it are as familiar to me as im sure they are to other readers. nice job.
    | Posted on 2007-02-15 00:00:00 | by Nero_s Decay | [ Reply to This ]
      wonderful write u got there, its awesome made me think of a bath of bodies, that r all sinnners tho, dunno if thats right... anyway it sounded right, and it flowed great, and i had an image running into my mind at all times, and thats what is needed in a poem, from my opinion, and thats the way i think ;p lol niothing else to say so take care!

    | Posted on 2006-06-16 00:00:00 | by Wolfeye_666 | [ Reply to This ]
      I can relate.

    It is a painful knowledge to accept that the world will keep turning even after you've departed it. Really, mediocrity, at its own right, presents some form of incarceration sometimes. And it takes great wisdom to accept the dwarf in a man.

    Anyway, there is no way to deny the anguish in this piece. It is, in most angles, narrow. But that's also a good thing since that clarity emits a healing factor for the poet... and a simplicity that could allow you to touch more people.

    | Posted on 2006-06-17 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]

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