Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: barreldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Localfreak
    ASL Info:    37, Maybe, Here
    Elite Ratio:    5.37 - 131/123/76
    Words: 79
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1169
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 537



    Description:
       I'm just really depressed and drinkinmg.. and I'm just so fed up of being second best and worst...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsbarreldots
    -------------------------------------------


    This throng of bodies
    Pushed all against
    As I still try to rise above

    To remove this vessel
    From where I lay
    Beneath a multitude of sinners

    Inside the soul has tried
    to be the chosen
    But still the body struggles on

    Against those preffered
    from the moist depth
    Of the barrel of the unwanted

    So here I wait, unseen
    And still unwated
    Until but one in desperation

    scrapes the bottom of the barrel




    Submitted on 2006-06-16 21:16:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this was harder for me to read. not because of what you wrote about but because there wasn't any in line punctuations. when you leave those out, every line just seems to smash together but if thats what you aim for then feel free to ignore this lol.

    overall the poem itself was a good write. the feelings taht drive it are as familiar to me as im sure they are to other readers. nice job.
    | Posted on 2007-02-15 00:00:00 | by Nero_s Decay | [ Reply to This ]
      wonderful write u got there, its awesome made me think of a bath of bodies, that r all sinnners tho, dunno if thats right... anyway it sounded right, and it flowed great, and i had an image running into my mind at all times, and thats what is needed in a poem, from my opinion, and thats the way i think ;p lol niothing else to say so take care!

    Wolfy-
    | Posted on 2006-06-16 00:00:00 | by Wolfeye_666 | [ Reply to This ]
      I can relate.

    It is a painful knowledge to accept that the world will keep turning even after you've departed it. Really, mediocrity, at its own right, presents some form of incarceration sometimes. And it takes great wisdom to accept the dwarf in a man.

    Anyway, there is no way to deny the anguish in this piece. It is, in most angles, narrow. But that's also a good thing since that clarity emits a healing factor for the poet... and a simplicity that could allow you to touch more people.

    Ciao.
    | Posted on 2006-06-17 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    107398

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Summer of Peaches written by rev.jpfadeproof
    April 1, 2018 written by homeless
    Untitled: June 24, 2018 written by homeless
    TSC written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Buried written by MyPeriodical
    After a Dream written by KeeperOfLight
    No More Damn Love Poems written by rev.jpfadeproof
    BlackBerry Bushes written by Daniel Barlow
    Untitled - 8/2017 written by homeless
    One Time Is Good written by Daniel Barlow
    Orange written by saartha
    Exult written by saartha
    'Cause You're Mine, I Walk the Line. written by Torie
    Don't Tell Me You Love Me written by homeless
    Still written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Luchinushka written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Would You... written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Fizzy Love written by rev.jpfadeproof
    More written by homeless
    Wisp of You written by rev.jpfadeproof
    The Phoenetians and Us written by Torie
    Hurt written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Untitled 2 written by homeless
    Blinded by Sight written by Torie
    Forget written by Crestfallenman
    The Forgotten Umbrella written by garnet4david
    Roots written by Chelebel
    Jar (working title) written by rev.jpfadeproof
    X written by homeless
    Untitled - September 19, 2017 written by homeless

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry