Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Pas de deuxdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rev.jpfadeproof
    ASL Info:    27/m/nyc
    Elite Ratio:    6.08 - 366/364/154
    Words: 103
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 637
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 688



    Description:
       just a poem...i really need to stop posting my writings so quick....well, here is another 20 min. work its not polished, let me know if i should develop it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPas de deuxdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Donna non vidi mai
    Sitting under the apple tree
    Among the roses and vivid violets
    Adorned with the radiance of a rainbow
    Arching wide from heavens glory
    As a halo

    Crowned with daisies divine
    Ah, Lève-toi soleil
    Ah rise sun
    Apri il tuo cuor
    Open your heart
    As the daisy before the rising sun

    Eclipsing loveliness of incomparable beauty
    Your splendor has laid seize to my soul
    Smitten with the dazzle of your eyes
    Enthralled by the embellished elegance of
    Your mouth
    Permeation of passion

    Pa de deux
    May our lips dance




    Submitted on 2006-06-18 16:26:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Intertwining the languages, the people in the picture, it's not only the lips that dance, the whole thing has the quality of a song to me. Even though I don't fully understand the foreign parts, it still sings. Very lovely job of showing love.
    | Posted on 2007-01-28 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      I caught the fragrance of blossoms as I began to read this. It's lovely all over even if I don't focus entirely on lips dancing.

    I think I would adopt the French and keep it rather than try for quite so much in regard to the reader keeping up.

    Eclipsing loveliness of incomparable beauty
    Your splendor has laid seize to my soul
    Smitten with the dazzle of your eyes
    Enthralled by the embellished elegance of
    Your mouth
    Permeation of passion

    Pa de deux
    May our lips dance

    I like the sound of embellished elegance very much, but it doesn't create a picture in my mind. Make me want to be there with you? And that would be my only complaint, the other images are gorgeous.

    I enjoyed my stay, thanks for sharing a delightful write.

    Nan

    | Posted on 2006-11-29 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      I see the "pas de deux" ( a danse step) as a metaphore for kissing. Or maybe just love in general. The way we, like animals dance and mimic to attract a partner.
    Maybe the use of three languages is too much...But, it's yours not mine.
    And besides love's got no language barriers.
    p.s. it is "Lève-toi soleil".
    Looking forward to more of your stuff!

    LM
    | Posted on 2006-06-18 00:00:00 | by LadyMerlina | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    107546

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Linger written by saartha
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Wavelength written by saartha
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Bond written by saartha
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    untitled written by Chelebel
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Break Up written by WriteSomething

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry