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    dots Submission Name: Pas de deuxdots

    Author: rev.jpfadeproof
    ASL Info:    27/m/nyc
    Elite Ratio:    6.08 - 366/364/154
    Words: 103
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 637
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 688

       just a poem...i really need to stop posting my writings so quick....well, here is another 20 min. work its not polished, let me know if i should develop it.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPas de deuxdots

    Donna non vidi mai
    Sitting under the apple tree
    Among the roses and vivid violets
    Adorned with the radiance of a rainbow
    Arching wide from heavens glory
    As a halo

    Crowned with daisies divine
    Ah, Lève-toi soleil
    Ah rise sun
    Apri il tuo cuor
    Open your heart
    As the daisy before the rising sun

    Eclipsing loveliness of incomparable beauty
    Your splendor has laid seize to my soul
    Smitten with the dazzle of your eyes
    Enthralled by the embellished elegance of
    Your mouth
    Permeation of passion

    Pa de deux
    May our lips dance

    Submitted on 2006-06-18 16:26:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      Intertwining the languages, the people in the picture, it's not only the lips that dance, the whole thing has the quality of a song to me. Even though I don't fully understand the foreign parts, it still sings. Very lovely job of showing love.
    | Posted on 2007-01-28 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      I caught the fragrance of blossoms as I began to read this. It's lovely all over even if I don't focus entirely on lips dancing.

    I think I would adopt the French and keep it rather than try for quite so much in regard to the reader keeping up.

    Eclipsing loveliness of incomparable beauty
    Your splendor has laid seize to my soul
    Smitten with the dazzle of your eyes
    Enthralled by the embellished elegance of
    Your mouth
    Permeation of passion

    Pa de deux
    May our lips dance

    I like the sound of embellished elegance very much, but it doesn't create a picture in my mind. Make me want to be there with you? And that would be my only complaint, the other images are gorgeous.

    I enjoyed my stay, thanks for sharing a delightful write.


    | Posted on 2006-11-29 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      I see the "pas de deux" ( a danse step) as a metaphore for kissing. Or maybe just love in general. The way we, like animals dance and mimic to attract a partner.
    Maybe the use of three languages is too much...But, it's yours not mine.
    And besides love's got no language barriers.
    p.s. it is "Lève-toi soleil".
    Looking forward to more of your stuff!

    | Posted on 2006-06-18 00:00:00 | by LadyMerlina | [ Reply to This ]

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