I Sing (edited...again!) by LadyChaos

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Submission Name: I Sing (edited...again!) dots

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Author:	LadyChaos
ASL Info:	19/F/DE
Elite Ratio:	3.42 - 718/606/95
Words:	112

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	276
Average Vote:	3.0000
Bytes:	802

Description:
Alright....I think this is my last edit...I added one more stanza...it seems to have slightly more finality than the other versions....enjoy!

I Sing (edited...again!) dots

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I sing,
And the music makes me beautiful.
Each note echoes-
Vibrating through all of me.
Heart, soul, body and mind
Every part in exquisite harmony
And on this plane
I feel no pain,
And darkness brings no fear.

I laugh,
And the happiness makes me glow
Each smile evovles
Shining all through me
Heart, soul, body, and mind
Are grinning like mad
And in this state,
I cannot hate
For everything seems promising

I dance,
And the movements make me graceful
Each turn explains
Everything about me
Heart, soul, body and mind
Are lost in the rhythm
And flying this high
I cannot die
Because music lives forever.

Submitted on 2006-06-18 17:51:10 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I like the first part very much...the words you used to express your feelings are stricking...I agree with what the tow other guys said though...I'd add something else to finish the poem cause it leaves you a bit wondering in the second part...but I really like what you have until now!
| Posted on 2006-06-19 00:00:00 | by Ligeia83 | [ Reply to This ]
  hmm..this write leaves me hanging. its like your not finished yet. idk. what you have seems more to me like just a beginning of a poem more than a complete one, but then again im a big fan of longer poetry so maybe i just dont know how to take this...... all that said its a great write i just wish you would add more volume to it.

-brandon
| Posted on 2006-06-18 00:00:00 | by Leon Kennedy | [ Reply to This ]
  I agree with Leon. I think this seems unfinished. What you have is beautiful.

Likes: The wording is very eloquent.
The format is easy to read.
The material is appealing to my tastes.

Dislikes: The ending seems lacking.

That is about all that I can find wrong with it. I think on a scale from 1-10 this would rate about a 7 1/2. :D Let me know if you revise it.

LeAnna
| Posted on 2006-06-18 00:00:00 | by RedRoseofBlood | [ Reply to This ]
  Much better. The last line gives the piece a sense of finality. :D As I said before I think the wording makes the poem.
LeAnna
| Posted on 2006-06-19 00:00:00 | by RedRoseofBlood | [ Reply to This ]
  hm - wot 2 say? how come i never saw this before? i guess i have to look harder eh?
I think i'm also not currently equipped to comment on this - at the moment it makes me sad - i'll b back to it.
all i know is that u don't need the music to be beautiful, nor the dance to be graceful....perhaps the happiness to glow...
shard
| Posted on 2006-06-26 00:00:00 | by particularshard | [ Reply to This ]
  I think this is wonderful. Very unique in its wording and meaning. I don't agree with the others however. A poem can be as long or short as you like, as long as you get what you wanted to on the paper . With or without the second stanza, this was wonderful. Keep it up
| Posted on 2006-06-19 00:00:00 | by precious_poetry | [ Reply to This ]
  damn....i forgot....you can only rate poems once.....damn....i would have given you a five...lol....well i guess...ill just......add it to my fav.'s so other ppl can see it and vote 5.

-brandon
| Posted on 2006-06-23 00:00:00 | by Leon Kennedy | [ Reply to This ]
  great job. now the poem seems complete. its whole. the lines you added were great. they added to the unique ideals you had in the first stanza. i loved it. you get a 5.

-brandon

p.s. i know this is one of those "bad" comments but i just had to tell the truth.
| Posted on 2006-06-23 00:00:00 | by Leon Kennedy | [ Reply to This ]

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