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satans' own / ever still

Author: sickly
Elite Ratio:    3.56 - 545 /537 /203
Words: 210
Class/Type: Poetry /Gothic
Total Views: 1497
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1368


i have been waiting for a while to post this one because when i wrote it, i wrote it for this site and i wanted to make sure that it would be very special and not out of character with anything that i have already submitted for this site.i realize that my expectation of receiving a response from some members is a great expectation but that is in part what motivates me as an experienced writer who still needs to prove that this craft is one that requires complete commitment.good luck and fare well to all.

satans' own / ever still

satans' own everstill in a blackening night
keeping out of danger and out of sight
after the love is through comes the fight
the machtergreifung as my eternal right
the living to do is a dirty job
never seeing it your way
forced to need to believe in mine
more pearls before the swine
planning the drawing of the final line
no new cross to end my time
architect of demonic destruction
it's not a slip of the lip or a fancy trick
it's for the lovers of the world who are terminally sick
a service and a purpose that is stylistically slick
nobody wants to talk about the deadly rot
i've never been had and i'll never be caught
in the solitude and silence after the plot
the lies of the dreams that are insane
all is gained to bring brutal pain
a secret is as he wished, finished
inside eternity and its' brilliance
the deaths because of ancient soul
nothing's an impossibility with all control
totality and inflexibility
simplicity and purity
something infamous is going down
hear the talk of the town
i am mean and hard as stone
in forever alone the seed has been sown
my mastery has only grown as satans' own

Submitted on 2006-06-18 18:27:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  machtergreifung? wow, that's a HUGE word lol

Any way, I liked this, but it was a bit forced rhyming, try doing a free verse, where you don't even have to rhyme. I think you'd be really good at something like that. Just don't, please don't forced your words like you're eating glass, trust me it hurts your poem...and eating glass will hurt your throat :)
It makes some sense to be, to me it sounds like you got your power from the devil, or you just got power and now your even more powerful than him. Odd, but it's a nice concept. This isn't so much a gothic poem as it is a dark one. See, gothic poems have a lot of symbolism and comparrisions which hide the hidden meaning of the power. Now, you do have a hidden meaning, but you didn't use so much symbolism and comparrisons, so I'd class this poem as dark. Keep trying and keep writing, you can only get better with experience.

| Posted on 2006-06-27 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
  wow kewl wording, the flow was kinda off in a few places but you had a hella kewl meaning...if I got anything out of the write anyway, I saw it as either you (or the character u r portraying) thinks he is more powerful then the devil, or that he has a fair deal of power and owes the credit for that to the devil, I'm not sure, I don't really know you that well so I didn't get a huge personal connection out of this one that might have been some clue, and I agree with mags and tox, I'd really love to see this in free verse.
good write,
| Posted on 2006-06-29 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
  After reading this a few times, I'm still not sure if you are saying you are the devil or are being used by him to do his deeds. I get the feeling you in this write are glorifying the devil or something. I'm not sure though. Nice wording. But the ryhming was thrown off do to your flow, which seem to be off a bit. The back and forth of rhyming and non rhyming did not jibe to me. Maybe if this was a free verse instead. Regardless, your message was lost to me. Overall, good wording, nice work, but made no sense to me.

| Posted on 2006-06-19 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
  very weak display of experience, every line a forced rhyme, your words so jagged. i dont use much grammer or formatting in my work..but i couldnt relate mine to yours in any way, you show no signs of wanting us to read what you wrote because its to distracting to the eye, a very hard read..if this was for us..deleat it and rewrite needs work, and you need to rethink what experience is..because its not always how long you've written..but how much you've lived, so stop toying with fantasy of supremecy in your work, and give us something real..i know you can do it
| Posted on 2006-06-21 00:00:00 | by fallenone | [ Reply to This ]

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