Broken Shards
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Description:
Oh death, isn't it fun to read about? lol. I think this one has a lot more detail than my usual poetry but let me know what ya think. :)
Broken Shards
I watch as the little peices of glass Shatter when they hit the ground I watch as the blood drips Faster and Faster each time I feel the pain for a second but after that one second I feel nothing No pain No sadness I let myself forget About reality I slip into a dream And as I close my eyes My knees start to bend Until I fall down And hit the broken shards of me.... |
Submitted on 2006-06-18 23:02:05 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments
Firstly, hope you cheered up  Secondly, wow, a good read. I have to agree with the other two, it is slightly disturbing. Though I like the glass imagery, glass is especially useful for making people seem fragile. Cheers! Azuire | Posted on 2006-10-24 00:00:00 | by Azuire | [ Reply to This ] | Other than the misppelled words in line 5 (ground) and line 16 (the) I found no grammatical errors. The suicidal theme is disturbing and rather common on this site (and among young people.) You write well. | | Posted on 2006-06-19 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ] | I agree with the other comment, it is a disturbing poem. More disturbing perhaps because you have said you are feeling depressed. I think the thought or someone being depressed and then reading their poem about cutting/suicide, makes me nervous! | Anyway, the poem itself was very well written. You have a way of making the reader picture what they are reading which fascinates me. I especially like the ending, it wrapped it up perfectly. Mel. | Posted on 2006-06-20 00:00:00 | by litllost | [ Reply to This ] | |
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