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Broken Shards


Author: PiperH
ASL Info:    17, F, Georgia
Elite Ratio:    3.89 - 253 /299 /172
Words: 77
Class/Type: Poetry /Depressed
Total Views: 1034
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 480



Description:


Oh death, isn't it fun to read about? lol. I think this one has a lot more detail than my usual poetry but let me know what ya think. :)


Broken Shards



I watch as the little peices of glass
Shatter when they hit the ground
I watch as the blood drips
Faster and Faster each time
I feel the pain for a second
but after that one second
I feel nothing
No pain
No sadness
I let myself forget
About reality
I slip into a dream
And as I close my eyes
My knees start to bend
Until I fall down
And hit the broken shards
of me....




Submitted on 2006-06-18 23:02:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  Firstly, hope you cheered up
Secondly, wow, a good read. I have to agree with the other two, it is slightly disturbing. Though I like the glass imagery, glass is especially useful for making people seem fragile.
Cheers!
Azuire
| Posted on 2006-10-24 00:00:00 | by Azuire | [ Reply to This ]
  Other than the misppelled words in line 5 (ground) and line 16 (the) I found no grammatical errors. The suicidal theme is disturbing and rather common on this site (and among young people.) You write well.
| Posted on 2006-06-19 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]
  I agree with the other comment, it is a disturbing poem. More disturbing perhaps because you have said you are feeling depressed. I think the thought or someone being depressed and then reading their poem about cutting/suicide, makes me nervous!

Anyway, the poem itself was very well written. You have a way of making the reader picture what they are reading which fascinates me. I especially like the ending, it wrapped it up perfectly. Mel.
| Posted on 2006-06-20 00:00:00 | by litllost | [ Reply to This ]


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