i dunno.not quite up there..like u were holding back some sort of depreication or something.. i dunno.i didnt really like the 4th line..i think the F bomb wouldve been better for this is u could work it in a line but at the risk of sounding like im needy for obscenities i only suggest it as an alternate line because the flow on that one seems weird.
This was good. Its missing some punctuation and has a few misspelled words, but thats nothing to cry over. The meaning was clear and I know I could relate. When I "celebrated" my birthday a couple months ago I felt the same way. The birthday that really made me feel that way was my 16th though. You really do feel like you have changed into a completely different person after your middle school years are over. I suppose you do hehe. It isn't fair to assume that all humans should give up the child in them when they get to a certain age. I think later tonight I will go play in the sprinklers lol. I hope you keep writing, you did wonderful on this one. Keep the child inside you alive!
this is pretty good. i kno what u mean about having to leave part of yourself behind and having to move on and grow up. in all i think it was a really good poem. one thing that kind of got to me was your inconsistant rhyme. sometimes it was there, sometimes it wasnt. but that may have been what u wanted. anyway, good write and keep it up.