Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Opposite of Perfectiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: precious_poetry
    ASL Info:    19 F TN
    Elite Ratio:    3.17 - 137/145/67
    Words: 87
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 573
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 638



    Description:
       I wrote this a while back, when I was fighting the battle that can't be won. I could never see myself as being acceptably attractive. Of course, I was in high school. I made a few adjustments, I hope its a little enjoyable.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOpposite of Perfectiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    A face full of sorrow,
    Eyes lit with hate,
    Her voice shakes with terror,
    A soul doomed by fate.

    The lips no longer smile,
    Hands worn by age,
    The body shattered and bruised.
    Heart distorted with rage.

    This face before me,
    Fights with depression,
    Shows all the pain,
    Yet has no expression.

    The face just stares back,
    And shares no thoughts,
    My reflections shares more,
    Than what I first sought.

    Mirrors so cruel,
    To show my reflection,
    Inside and out,
    Opposite of perfection.




    Submitted on 2006-06-19 11:46:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Personally I think Angelina looks hideous anyway. :D But I think this is a good write. I agree with Lady Chaos, I often think that rhyming throws off the rhythm. But in this case I think you did it well. The only complaint I have is the last two stanzas use the word reflection 3 times. I think this is kinda distracting. Other than that, Good job. :D
    LeAnna
    | Posted on 2006-06-19 00:00:00 | by RedRoseofBlood | [ Reply to This ]
      Normally, I can't take rhyming poetry seriously...because it tends to detract from the meaning of the poem. But here its fitting and almost enchanting....in an eerie sing-song, kind of way. I hope you don't still feel the same way about your reflection, because if you look anything the way you write....you'd make Angelina Jolie look hideous by comparison
    | Posted on 2006-06-19 00:00:00 | by LadyChaos | [ Reply to This ]
      Personally I like the vocabulary you chose to use...I love dark atmospheres...and I hope you don't feel that way anymore, but I do understand the feeling perfectly...and I like the rhyming!
    | Posted on 2006-06-19 00:00:00 | by Ligeia83 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. This poem is incredible, both in the word choice and in the depth of emotion. It is something that every high school girl can relate to, looking in a mirror and finding only dissapointment once again. I have been there, and still find myself there from time to time. Anyone who writes as beautifully as you do is beautiful indeed. ~jennah
    | Posted on 2006-06-19 00:00:00 | by jennah | [ Reply to This ]
      this was real 'enjoyable' The rhyming kept a descent flow. only on or two parts seemed forced but it was a good write i thought.

    THe meaning was very relatable and the words you used were clever.

    Keep it up
    PC
    | Posted on 2006-07-22 00:00:00 | by SinCeer05 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    107652

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry