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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Opposite of Perfectiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: precious_poetry
    ASL Info:    19 F TN
    Elite Ratio:    3.17 - 137/145/67
    Words: 87
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 624
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 638



    Description:
       I wrote this a while back, when I was fighting the battle that can't be won. I could never see myself as being acceptably attractive. Of course, I was in high school. I made a few adjustments, I hope its a little enjoyable.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOpposite of Perfectiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    A face full of sorrow,
    Eyes lit with hate,
    Her voice shakes with terror,
    A soul doomed by fate.

    The lips no longer smile,
    Hands worn by age,
    The body shattered and bruised.
    Heart distorted with rage.

    This face before me,
    Fights with depression,
    Shows all the pain,
    Yet has no expression.

    The face just stares back,
    And shares no thoughts,
    My reflections shares more,
    Than what I first sought.

    Mirrors so cruel,
    To show my reflection,
    Inside and out,
    Opposite of perfection.




    Submitted on 2006-06-19 11:46:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Personally I think Angelina looks hideous anyway. :D But I think this is a good write. I agree with Lady Chaos, I often think that rhyming throws off the rhythm. But in this case I think you did it well. The only complaint I have is the last two stanzas use the word reflection 3 times. I think this is kinda distracting. Other than that, Good job. :D
    LeAnna
    | Posted on 2006-06-19 00:00:00 | by RedRoseofBlood | [ Reply to This ]
      Normally, I can't take rhyming poetry seriously...because it tends to detract from the meaning of the poem. But here its fitting and almost enchanting....in an eerie sing-song, kind of way. I hope you don't still feel the same way about your reflection, because if you look anything the way you write....you'd make Angelina Jolie look hideous by comparison
    | Posted on 2006-06-19 00:00:00 | by LadyChaos | [ Reply to This ]
      Personally I like the vocabulary you chose to use...I love dark atmospheres...and I hope you don't feel that way anymore, but I do understand the feeling perfectly...and I like the rhyming!
    | Posted on 2006-06-19 00:00:00 | by Ligeia83 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. This poem is incredible, both in the word choice and in the depth of emotion. It is something that every high school girl can relate to, looking in a mirror and finding only dissapointment once again. I have been there, and still find myself there from time to time. Anyone who writes as beautifully as you do is beautiful indeed. ~jennah
    | Posted on 2006-06-19 00:00:00 | by jennah | [ Reply to This ]
      this was real 'enjoyable' The rhyming kept a descent flow. only on or two parts seemed forced but it was a good write i thought.

    THe meaning was very relatable and the words you used were clever.

    Keep it up
    PC
    | Posted on 2006-07-22 00:00:00 | by SinCeer05 | [ Reply to This ]


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