[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Opposite of Perfectiondots

    Author: precious_poetry
    ASL Info:    19 F TN
    Elite Ratio:    3.17 - 137/145/67
    Words: 87
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 613
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 638

       I wrote this a while back, when I was fighting the battle that can't be won. I could never see myself as being acceptably attractive. Of course, I was in high school. I made a few adjustments, I hope its a little enjoyable.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOpposite of Perfectiondots

    A face full of sorrow,
    Eyes lit with hate,
    Her voice shakes with terror,
    A soul doomed by fate.

    The lips no longer smile,
    Hands worn by age,
    The body shattered and bruised.
    Heart distorted with rage.

    This face before me,
    Fights with depression,
    Shows all the pain,
    Yet has no expression.

    The face just stares back,
    And shares no thoughts,
    My reflections shares more,
    Than what I first sought.

    Mirrors so cruel,
    To show my reflection,
    Inside and out,
    Opposite of perfection.

    Submitted on 2006-06-19 11:46:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Personally I think Angelina looks hideous anyway. :D But I think this is a good write. I agree with Lady Chaos, I often think that rhyming throws off the rhythm. But in this case I think you did it well. The only complaint I have is the last two stanzas use the word reflection 3 times. I think this is kinda distracting. Other than that, Good job. :D
    | Posted on 2006-06-19 00:00:00 | by RedRoseofBlood | [ Reply to This ]
      Normally, I can't take rhyming poetry seriously...because it tends to detract from the meaning of the poem. But here its fitting and almost enchanting....in an eerie sing-song, kind of way. I hope you don't still feel the same way about your reflection, because if you look anything the way you write....you'd make Angelina Jolie look hideous by comparison
    | Posted on 2006-06-19 00:00:00 | by LadyChaos | [ Reply to This ]
      Personally I like the vocabulary you chose to use...I love dark atmospheres...and I hope you don't feel that way anymore, but I do understand the feeling perfectly...and I like the rhyming!
    | Posted on 2006-06-19 00:00:00 | by Ligeia83 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. This poem is incredible, both in the word choice and in the depth of emotion. It is something that every high school girl can relate to, looking in a mirror and finding only dissapointment once again. I have been there, and still find myself there from time to time. Anyone who writes as beautifully as you do is beautiful indeed. ~jennah
    | Posted on 2006-06-19 00:00:00 | by jennah | [ Reply to This ]
      this was real 'enjoyable' The rhyming kept a descent flow. only on or two parts seemed forced but it was a good write i thought.

    THe meaning was very relatable and the words you used were clever.

    Keep it up
    | Posted on 2006-07-22 00:00:00 | by SinCeer05 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Every..... written by jackz
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Push written by JanePlane
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    What happens written by Wolfwatching




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]