Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dark thoughtsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Vastmark
    ASL Info:    29/M/U.K
    Elite Ratio:    6.02 - 225/171/26
    Words: 52
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1430
    Average Vote:    4.6667
    Bytes: 307



    Description:
       Not very happy when I wrote this, depressing news headlines as always. Not my most elegant composition, it was one of those spur of the moment things. I wanted to capture my thoughts in that brief moment of "Oh my god what's the point" which I think I did, I'm better now though.

    This could be dragged out forever but there's enough depressing poetry around to sink the titanic so I'm not inclined to belabour the point.

    Think happy thoughts.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDark thoughtsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Is there a difference between now and then,
    where is the line between demons and men.
    Harmony quietens, out played by dark song,
    so we yearn for a world that is perfectly wrong.
    though it does no good for any mind to dwell,
    just turn and walk further, this path into hell.




    Submitted on 2006-06-19 12:59:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i really like this....and it is so true to the things that are going on in the world right now....our world is heading into hell right now...and i hope that people can start to see that so that we can do something about it even though that might not happen..
    It may be short but it gets right to the point. and thats nice to see sometimes....keep up the good writing....
    ~Lonely Goth~
    | Posted on 2007-10-18 00:00:00 | by lonely goth | [ Reply to This ]
      Short but to the point. It coveys a much larger message in just a few words. And yes, there IS enough depressing poetry out there to sink the titanic, and I think I'm a good contributor to a good chunk of that *snicker*

    Anyhow, I really liked this write, very emotional and very true.

    Cheers and God bless,

    ~Mandi~
    | Posted on 2007-05-23 00:00:00 | by Mandi Gayle | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey,just wanna say I like this piece a lot...it proves that rhyming does work in poems I think,it doesn't sound forced at all,which is the usual to say about a good poem with rhyming in it but that doesn't make it any less applicable here.

    "Harmony quietens, out played by dark song,
    so we yearn for a world that is perfectly wrong"

    This was by far the strongest line and sums up what you mean,and I get what your saying totally.The news is so negative,its picture of the human race often shows us to be these parasitic "demons" who prey on each others weaknesses.Crime,racism,all the negative parts of human nature are shown in news bulletins and its very rare to see tales of heroism(though sometimes we do).So yes I admit it CAN be very depressing.

    But I see you wont be dwelling on it too long.

    So yes this was well written and I found its message more powerful than usual,even though I had thought about this before it was still conveyed a strong sense of feeling to me.

    thanks

    -Craig

    | Posted on 2007-05-21 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really great, I can relate because it seems like even when we scream for help people tell us to just hold on and keep going, but nothing really gets solved, we just cover up what doesn't go away.


    - Kathleen
    | Posted on 2007-01-06 00:00:00 | by kathleenbrennan | [ Reply to This ]
      Very poignant, especially with all the messed up crap in the news today. I enjoyed the rhyme... nice rythym... defenitely dark thoughts, but oh so very true. It's good as a short and concise, but you could really elaborate the hell out of the thought behind it. Although it says plenty as is.
    | Posted on 2006-10-06 00:00:00 | by kiddo13 | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed your flow here. At the pace you were going this could of been a five stanza poem. Your questions here make you think.... and then think deeper about the fine line. That line exists in everything but not all know how to distinguish it. I do hope to see more to this poem later on.

    Monica
    | Posted on 2006-09-06 00:00:00 | by mon28 | [ Reply to This ]
      I think the length of this piece gives it strength. It is short but the word choice is effective enough to allow it to make an impact on the reader. I loved that your rhyming was not forced. The imagery was enjoyable however, I think you could have utilized it more and made the piece even more tantilizing. However, the poem was overall a beautiful piece of writing.
    | Posted on 2006-07-24 00:00:00 | by xxxpunky_fishxx | [ Reply to This ]
      Yep, certainly dark thoughts. I think that this could of been expounded upon and more imagery could of been use. I also feel that maybe stating why you felt this way would of made more of a statement and not make this seem like everyohter sad poem aorund ever written. This has potential to be better. Nice rhyming and flow. You can also use free verse for a more powerful effect, giving you freedom to just write without limits. Overall, good work, but could be much better.

    Catrina
    | Posted on 2006-06-19 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      Excellent write! You should snapshot your thoughts more often. I really fancy this, mate it's concise and says heaps. Asking questions that we all ask.

    Well done!

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2006-07-01 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Is there a difference between now and then? I think yes and no. The news is always bad, only its more extreme now than it was then. Way back when the news was like its gonna be a hot summer, now its like this summer is hotter than it has been in 260,000 years or some such crap. Talk about overdramatizing. Blah I don't even bother with it anymore. If its hot I'll know when I walk out the door. If its global warming I'll know when there are polar bears in my swimming pool ;) It does seem however, that we crave dark and depressing stories. Even if you don't watch tv, or listen to radio shows or read about it, you'll hear about it from co-workers or friends. Hear about how all the world is going to hell. Well, I tend to believe this at times but for the most part I think there is as much or more good in the world as bad, it just gets buried by hate whores who only broadcast negative news. Anyway, sorry about the ranting. Good poems make me wordy I guess. It's short and to the point. I really enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing.

    Owlman
    | Posted on 2006-06-23 00:00:00 | by owlman23 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is an interesting thought you have here. I must say I agree with you completely as far as depressing news headlines and the sad state this world is in. I watch the news every morning, and often I wonder why I bother to start out my day on such a negative note, but I still feel the need to get updated on just how depressing it really is. Our world is such a beautiful place yet we seem to have such a negative impact on it. I would like to see this short little version a bit longer. I think you could really elaborate with this. Nice beginning. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-06-20 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    107660

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry