Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Numbdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Podenco del infierno
    ASL Info:    19/M/Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    4.75 - 205/195/38
    Words: 114
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1052
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 861



    Description:
       This is the first thing i have come up with in about 2 months. I hate being this way. I want to fucking live alone again... then i was numb from myself... not becoming numb from others... and now, i just don't know anymore. I can't feel. I want my life back. I want the darkness to overcome once more.... forever. That was my life. It was my love... the darkness was my innocence. And i have lost it... and i just don't know what to do anymore... but whatever, let me know what you think of it, b/c like i said, this is the first thing i have come up with in a long time... i want to see if i still have my creativity...

    i looked over my earlier writings, which i have not read in a great while, and i was amazed at how much of a great writer i was... or am... but at least i thought i was good... my writings brought back the feelings i felt before... and i, for the first time i belive... felt nostalgic.

    Anyways, read. comment. or not. it is ur choice, i leave it to you. Thank you.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNumbdots
    -------------------------------------------


    What I have become,
    Is my worst nightmare.
    My dreams come to a hault.
    Inside my eyes,
    I see me.
    My fear.
    My love.
    My innocence.
    What have I done...
    To become this monster?
    I feel...
    Nothing.
    Cold blank stare.
    Reflection of my tears,
    In the rust stained blade.
    My life.
    Translated into scars.
    Fighting to sruvive.
    Fighting...
    Just to fucking be.
    As hard as I try though,
    My efforts seem to fade.
    Warm tears freeze.
    My breath choked.
    My pen is broken.
    The paper,
    Torn into pieces.
    My life suppressed.
    Numb I have become.
    Blind.
    Deaf.
    The world may oppress me,
    But I never distress.
    What I have become is cold... grey...
    Numb.




    Submitted on 2006-06-19 21:11:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, the intensity in this poem hit me like a punch in the stomach...and somehow that is good...lol. Even though the lines were short, but that's what is so fasinating about it, it's explaining the numbness, your disconnection of feelings, disconnection of inspiration to write...which oddly enough, this numbness actually gave you the idea...which so kicks ass!! lol. And you have always been a great writer. I'm not just saying this out of sympathy, i mean i truly like your work. My honest opinion. Well, here's my fave parts:

    Inside my eyes,
    I see me.
    My fear.
    My love.
    My innocence.
    What have I done...
    To become this monster?
    I feel...
    Nothing.

    The intensity seems to really kick off in high gear in this part, great beginning by the way!

    Fighting to survive.
    Fighting...
    Just to [censored] be.
    As hard as I try though,
    My efforts seem to fade.

    This part i can definitely know what your talking about...and it's self explainitory.

    My breath choked.
    My pen is broken.
    The paper,
    Torn into pieces.
    My life suppressed.
    Numb I have become.
    Blind.
    Deaf.
    The world may oppress me,
    But I never distress.
    What I have become is cold... grey...
    Numb.

    Personally, this part is just so surprising, heartbreaking, and even breathtaking. I'd have to say this part really made my eyes pop the most.

    Well, even though i basically put down the whole poem as my favorite parts...lol...the whole thing is quite spectacular. It's creative, eye grabbing, definitely makes me think about my life, etc. etc. etc. I love this piece, you've done well.

    Kim~
    | Posted on 2006-07-02 00:00:00 | by _NowOrNever_ | [ Reply to This ]
      Your poem made me feel like I was witnessing a lost soul pacing, desparate to find inner peace, wanting it immediately and hating the way they have allowed themselves to turn into this person. When you write at the end about being cold,grey,numb...it reminded me of a shadow, a shadow of their former self perhaps? Well...that's my take on it anyway lol.

    I thought this bit was excellent;

    In the rust stained blade.
    My life.
    Translated into scars.

    Very philosophical!

    I thinks it's a very cathartic write and a job well done. Mel.
    | Posted on 2006-06-20 00:00:00 | by litllost | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem just really hit me, it brought back many memories from my past that have made me feel so numb and hurt just like in this poem fo such a long time ....I really loved the style too how u kept the lines short yet each kine filled with so much meaning.

    I agree with litllost, besides my past it made me think of a lost soul wandering around in a cold world not knowing what to do or where to go or how to live anymore.... well anyways nice job
    | Posted on 2006-06-20 00:00:00 | by rhen | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    107711

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry