Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Inner Desire


Author: PiperH
ASL Info:    17, F, Georgia
Elite Ratio:    3.89 - 253 /299 /172
Words: 169
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 1193
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1035



Description:


Okay, this is really emo and I'm embarrassed to say that I wrote this. But I can't delete it. I hate deleting things...
So be nice, please. :) and also, any suggestions to make it better, I would appreciate. I'm just too lazy write now and go back and fix it up.



Inner Desire



She looks so sad
tears pour from her eyes
no one can see her
no one can hear her cries

I want so much to help her
I'm tired of waiting around
It's impossible for her to be happy
when she is always down

I am the only one who can see her
everyone else sees a lie
no one knows the real her
no one knows her like I

But that can be a problem
because I can never help
she needs someone else
because she isn't helping herself

She is one big remote control
and she's always got me on pause
she just doesn't understand
that everyone has flaws

She fools everyone everyday
I wish she would let me go
I wish that she would tell the truth
and let everybody know

But for now, I remain stuck
because she is a liar
I know she has so much more she wants to do
because I am her inner desire




Submitted on 2006-06-19 22:36:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  Oh my fricken gosh this is awesome, wow you are right it really is like my poem that you commented on and oh yea thanks by the way. Hehe I'm a very lazy at commenting and replying to comments, sorry it's just I've been so busy lately and all. Well I'm really glad I checked out your poem and I hope you keep writing. This is a deep poem that I can really relate to and trust me I am not just saying this for no reasons. If you write anymore awesome poems, give me a heads up. Thanks again.

Ash
| Posted on 2006-09-19 00:00:00 | by Ashuri | [ Reply to This ]
  Yeaaa those LIFETIME movies are very depressing at times.......... not that I watch them or anything >:I .............. actually I do watch them every once in a while.......... OK maybe often lol but actually I've been inspired to write a poem from a lifetime movie once and this was a very good poem and If I post up a poem about it I'll tell you.

much LOVE ( and keep watching them LIFETIME movies >:P)
James
| Posted on 2006-08-04 00:00:00 | by James Reyna | [ Reply to This ]
  Yes, Lifetime movies are very sad but they are also a very useful teaching tool. They teach us about the world and about our innerselves. Ive watched a few in my lifetime and they have all moved me very much.
~LocketzVc
| Posted on 2006-08-20 00:00:00 | by LocketzVC | [ Reply to This ]
  Very nice and deep.. Your rhyming is better than anything I can do as I write in free verse, but there are a few places where the rhyming seems like you couldn't think of a word that worked and just chose the first one you could think of..

There are also a few places where the lines are either too long or too short, which disrupted the flow and made me stumble over the words..
| Posted on 2006-06-20 00:00:00 | by Maskannai | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



107715