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Secrets


Author: PiperH
ASL Info:    17, F, Georgia
Elite Ratio:    3.89 - 253 /299 /172
Words: 82
Class/Type: Poetry /Depressed
Total Views: 1197
Average Vote:    3.5000
Bytes: 525



Description:


Don't know what to say about this one. Just another emo poem I guess.


Secrets



Bouncing flames on inner walls
who will catch her when she falls?
alone in the dark
screams come from in the closet
you would never know
the secrets that are hidden
tears fall onto the carpet
from a sad face
that had never truly smiled
sitting alone all the time
some notice, but don't seem to care
who is going to catch her when she falls?
with no one there
the tears keep coming and coming
nothing can stop them now....




Submitted on 2006-06-20 13:29:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  One...I like this poem. It's simple and it's easy to understand. The only thing is, it seems a little cut off. Like unfinished...
Otherwise it's pretty good.

Also, thanks for the comment on my poem, "Losing You"....I am happy you liked it. That poem has been revised twice already, so it feels good to know that my efforts weren't a waste of time. Likewise on the whole reading poetry. Yours is always goood. lol.

Keep writing.
-Strator
| Posted on 2006-09-14 00:00:00 | by Strator | [ Reply to This ]
  Dear Nicole;
I like this poem, shockingly enough, but it made me think, are all of your poems stories about you/your life? Not that this is a bad thing, I was just wondering. I like your word choice and your imagery, you write as if you were much older than you are. Keep up the amazing work. Smile.
~~Mykquillion
| Posted on 2006-08-14 00:00:00 | by Mykquillion | [ Reply to This ]
  I like this poem a lot Nicole, as I do a lot of your work. Nice job. Just a thought, maybe adding a few periods and/or commas would make the poem flow better. Possibly after "hidden" and a comma after "smiled." Just an idea, maybe it's better how it is. Keep writing in the amazing way you do.
~~Mykquillion
| Posted on 2006-08-12 00:00:00 | by Mykquillion | [ Reply to This ]
  This is one of those really sad poems that was really written well I like the first lines . . . . .


Bouncing flames on inner walls
who will catch her when she falls?

That's a pretty sweet line but about the line . . .

some notice, but don't seem to care

Don't worry someone will always care for you you are never alone. But ur right it does feel like that many times, but remember that our feelings easily decieve us :)

much LOVE
James
| Posted on 2006-08-04 00:00:00 | by James Reyna | [ Reply to This ]
  the poem is dark, it give me some chilling expreancess. but it is not quite clear, somtimes it is moving away from the path which really confucess, but it is well written and was a good idea .

well my fav lines are
from a sad face
that had never truly smiled
sitting alone all the time
.......well i am sorry if some of my comment were little offensive
bye.
| Posted on 2006-07-16 00:00:00 | by imagination | [ Reply to This ]
  This was an awesome poem . . . . . . .and I agree with imagination. . . . . . . . it gave me some chills. This part was my favourite out of you whole piece:

Bouncing flames on inner walls
who will catch her when she falls?
alone in the dark
screams come from in the closet
you would never know
the secrets that are hidden


In every piece I read . . . . . . I always try to find a part that stands out to me ( if there is one ) . . . . and this one sure as heck does that.


~ G Freak ~


>>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>>
| Posted on 2006-07-24 00:00:00 | by GothamFreak | [ Reply to This ]


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