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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Secretsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: PiperH
    ASL Info:    17, F, Georgia
    Elite Ratio:    3.89 - 253/299/172
    Words: 82
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1012
    Average Vote:    3.5000
    Bytes: 525



    Description:
       Don't know what to say about this one. Just another emo poem I guess.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSecretsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Bouncing flames on inner walls
    who will catch her when she falls?
    alone in the dark
    screams come from in the closet
    you would never know
    the secrets that are hidden
    tears fall onto the carpet
    from a sad face
    that had never truly smiled
    sitting alone all the time
    some notice, but don't seem to care
    who is going to catch her when she falls?
    with no one there
    the tears keep coming and coming
    nothing can stop them now....




    Submitted on 2006-06-20 13:29:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      One...I like this poem. It's simple and it's easy to understand. The only thing is, it seems a little cut off. Like unfinished...
    Otherwise it's pretty good.

    Also, thanks for the comment on my poem, "Losing You"....I am happy you liked it. That poem has been revised twice already, so it feels good to know that my efforts weren't a waste of time. Likewise on the whole reading poetry. Yours is always goood. lol.

    Keep writing.
    -Strator
    | Posted on 2006-09-14 00:00:00 | by Strator | [ Reply to This ]
      Dear Nicole;
    I like this poem, shockingly enough, but it made me think, are all of your poems stories about you/your life? Not that this is a bad thing, I was just wondering. I like your word choice and your imagery, you write as if you were much older than you are. Keep up the amazing work. Smile.
    ~~Mykquillion
    | Posted on 2006-08-14 00:00:00 | by Mykquillion | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this poem a lot Nicole, as I do a lot of your work. Nice job. Just a thought, maybe adding a few periods and/or commas would make the poem flow better. Possibly after "hidden" and a comma after "smiled." Just an idea, maybe it's better how it is. Keep writing in the amazing way you do.
    ~~Mykquillion
    | Posted on 2006-08-12 00:00:00 | by Mykquillion | [ Reply to This ]
      This is one of those really sad poems that was really written well I like the first lines . . . . .


    Bouncing flames on inner walls
    who will catch her when she falls?

    That's a pretty sweet line but about the line . . .

    some notice, but don't seem to care

    Don't worry someone will always care for you you are never alone. But ur right it does feel like that many times, but remember that our feelings easily decieve us :)

    much LOVE
    James
    | Posted on 2006-08-04 00:00:00 | by James Reyna | [ Reply to This ]
      the poem is dark, it give me some chilling expreancess. but it is not quite clear, somtimes it is moving away from the path which really confucess, but it is well written and was a good idea .

    well my fav lines are
    from a sad face
    that had never truly smiled
    sitting alone all the time
    .......well i am sorry if some of my comment were little offensive
    bye.
    | Posted on 2006-07-16 00:00:00 | by imagination | [ Reply to This ]
      This was an awesome poem . . . . . . .and I agree with imagination. . . . . . . . it gave me some chills. This part was my favourite out of you whole piece:

    Bouncing flames on inner walls
    who will catch her when she falls?
    alone in the dark
    screams come from in the closet
    you would never know
    the secrets that are hidden


    In every piece I read . . . . . . I always try to find a part that stands out to me ( if there is one ) . . . . and this one sure as heck does that.


    ~ G Freak ~


    >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>>
    | Posted on 2006-07-24 00:00:00 | by GothamFreak | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    12. Does it feel original?



    107767

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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