Bouncing flames on inner walls
who will catch her when she falls?
alone in the dark
screams come from in the closet
you would never know
the secrets that are hidden
tears fall onto the carpet
from a sad face
that had never truly smiled
sitting alone all the time
some notice, but don't seem to care
who is going to catch her when she falls?
with no one there
the tears keep coming and coming
nothing can stop them now....
One...I like this poem. It's simple and it's easy to understand. The only thing is, it seems a little cut off. Like unfinished... Otherwise it's pretty good.
Also, thanks for the comment on my poem, "Losing You"....I am happy you liked it. That poem has been revised twice already, so it feels good to know that my efforts weren't a waste of time. Likewise on the whole reading poetry. Yours is always goood. lol.
Dear Nicole; I like this poem, shockingly enough, but it made me think, are all of your poems stories about you/your life? Not that this is a bad thing, I was just wondering. I like your word choice and your imagery, you write as if you were much older than you are. Keep up the amazing work. Smile. ~~Mykquillion
I like this poem a lot Nicole, as I do a lot of your work. Nice job. Just a thought, maybe adding a few periods and/or commas would make the poem flow better. Possibly after "hidden" and a comma after "smiled." Just an idea, maybe it's better how it is. Keep writing in the amazing way you do. ~~Mykquillion
This is one of those really sad poems that was really written well I like the first lines . . . . .
Bouncing flames on inner walls who will catch her when she falls?
That's a pretty sweet line but about the line . . .
some notice, but don't seem to care
Don't worry someone will always care for you you are never alone. But ur right it does feel like that many times, but remember that our feelings easily decieve us :)
the poem is dark, it give me some chilling expreancess. but it is not quite clear, somtimes it is moving away from the path which really confucess, but it is well written and was a good idea .
well my fav lines are from a sad face that had never truly smiled sitting alone all the time .......well i am sorry if some of my comment were little offensive bye.
This was an awesome poem . . . . . . .and I agree with imagination. . . . . . . . it gave me some chills. This part was my favourite out of you whole piece:
Bouncing flames on inner walls who will catch her when she falls? alone in the dark screams come from in the closet you would never know the secrets that are hidden
In every piece I read . . . . . . I always try to find a part that stands out to me ( if there is one ) . . . . and this one sure as heck does that.
Submission Name: Secrets
