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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lullabydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mr.Wednesday
    Elite Ratio:    2.67 - 5/12/5
    Words: 222
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 621
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1361



    Description:
       Sci-fi kinda....i guess


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLullabydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Lullaby

    Wes Hardin sits outside peeling his apple overlooking Roses Tavern.
    It's early morning on the farm;
    Behind this wired fence, Wes feels safe from harm.
    He sings his lullaby:

    Order, disorder; how far can we stretch the border?
    Structure and chaos canít you see beyond the payoff?
    Order, disorder, and chaos and payoff
    Order, disorder, and chaos and payoff

    In this farm fields line the walls, mile after mile.
    Incubators are plentiful
    Embryonic leaves sprout from wired branches
    The mechanical tree feeds them all the while.

    With his eyes closed Hardin pictures his son,
    His hero and his miracle.
    Wes listens for the beat of his stem-cell heart
    Father and son fighting together as one.
    He sings his lullaby:

    Order, disorder, how far can we stretch the border?
    Structure and chaos canít you see beyond the payoff?
    Order, disorder, and chaos and payoff
    Order, disorder, and chaos and payoff

    Years later Hardinís son will read his fatherís epitaph:

    Some say we have no right to play God.
    I guess they forgot that God was a father too.

    His son will smile and sing that lullaby anew.




    Submitted on 2006-06-20 13:59:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Why hello there Mr.Sir, nice to be of the writing to you a-gain.

    Now. I think I have a nit pick for this poem that I've already read (I love saying that!!!!)

    Don't capitalize every line.

    That's a personal pet peeve, so if you must, ignore it.

    Now. Is this of a particular form or was it a free-hand write? You got to tell me how many forms you know.

    Oh oh another one:

    "Wes Hardin sits outside peeling his apple overlooking Roses Tavern. "

    Since "Roses Tavern" is a name, try to keep it on one line, all together. Here you seem to have divided it...purpose unknown.

    "Wes listens for the beat of his stem-cell heart
    Father and son fighting together as one."

    Put a comma or a semi-colon after heart. It's not a whole sentence since your idea changes half-way in.

    And that's my analysis. I'm trying my best to be picky.
    | Posted on 2006-06-20 00:00:00 | by JenFlynn | [ Reply to This ]


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