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Death In Flame Consuming Love

Author: wallya20
ASL Info:    18/m/Bahamas
Elite Ratio:    8 - 113 /68 /26
Words: 209
Class/Type: Poetry /Longing
Total Views: 1092
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1312


Imagine seeing them through your eyes. Who would be on your mind?

Death In Flame Consuming Love

(I watched them die. Here are their last breaths)

From Baby Girl To You
Here I am once again
Time to take your armor down
I know sorry eases no pain
It means nothing after a few heartbreaks
You wish I wouldn't speak
But as the fire surrounds us
In this burning house
I must speak
Each day I regret denying your love
It is hard for you to understand
But I want to say the words I DO over and over
I miss the days I would orgasm just because...
You said you love me
And that undying love should never fade away
This is not the perfect sorry
This is an attempt
So let me know if I'm making progress
Lets approach this with our eyes closed
Now in the dark as I speak with my lips
Upon yours and my breath graces your lips
Can you say you don't love me?
Will you say anything?
Those were the words from her heart
As the fire consumed them both
In anguish and pain
I still see her through the flames
Her lips moving...mouthing the words...
She never found out whether he loved her still
Even the flames couldn't extinguish their tears

Submitted on 2006-06-20 17:37:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  awwww this was so sad, **is totally jealous at how good ur at writing about love**I love how your writes r so realistic, like how well you show just how tragic love is, nothing lasts forever, if something has a beginning, it will have an ending as well, very good point, and great emotion. the only thing I think could be touched up in this write is that the flow was a little rough in some didn't take so much away that it wasn't a good write or anything, just something to think about. great write,
love ya,<3
| Posted on 2006-06-21 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
  ok i was so sure that i had already commented on this, but i cant see it, so i will send u another one, - i love this, i think nearly everyone has felt like this at one point in thier life, this was so pure, it was nicely written, and kinda more'ish,
keep em cummin
| Posted on 2006-06-27 00:00:00 | by secret kisses | [ Reply to This ]
  This makes me think of how the inevitable can end even the sweetest things. How sometimes it is too late to go back and experience that love again when there is too much damage done and nothing left to salvage.

I can easily see this as a movie scene. A little clichéd, perhaps, but still adequately done. I think the part I like best is:

"As the fire consumed them both
In anguish and pain
I still see her through the flames"

There is a nice ring to that part.

Though this piece is generally alright in my opinion, I think the drama is a little forced, like I'm being spoon-fed the images and situations. While it may not be your intent to be subtle, I think I enjoy art a little more when I get to do some of the thinking and interpreting. But that is just me. Everyone has a different purposes in their writing and perhaps yours is not mine. But I do think that this piece would have a little more of an edge if there was something for you audience to consider, or some kind of ambiguity to give this piece a little more depth.

I give these comments respectfully and with no intention to offend. Thank you for sharing your writing and perhaps I will see more of it in the future.
| Posted on 2006-06-21 00:00:00 | by WolfStar | [ Reply to This ]

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