Kohl lies beneath mascara spiders
Damming the lake that has pooled there
A drift of blush creeps across curves of bone
Cherry lines trace sister peaks,
Weighting and pouting sticky slimness
Carved and clipped and covered she rises
This being of infinite sadness
This woman pinched and pained
And posed on stilletoed heels
Wrapped and slit and belted
She scissor-steps toward laden tables
Hoarding rabbit-shreds of lettuce
A crumbling, crusted cracker
Sips of water, an after-dinner mint
She will run on skeletal legs for hours
Her springing, brittle curls sweat-stuck
To orange-peel hollowed cheeks
No time for brown water broth
One-hundred blocks still await
And when skin-taut hips give out
Chlorine scents will fill an aching belly
Sustaining the lie scant moments longer
i think that there needs to be a comma or elipsis between 'lie, scant'...or....'lie...scant', a little something something to create pause right there. Meh...just a thought. Usually reading aloud will reveal the necessary syntax.
This is beautiful girlfriend. Really, and truly wonderful. There is a way about you that is so evident in your writes. I think you have a genuine talent for this writing gig.
I 'feel' your writes. You know what i mean? That is because you have mastered tone and tempo. You have a natural knack for allowing the reader to hear your voice....your attitude. You can't buy that...study for it....either you have it or you don't.
--P.S. -- i love Chlorine scents will fill an aching belly'. Gawd that's just brilliant. And also it is a brilliant and beautiful convention to be already imagining her tomorrow. Beautiful, really.
Flawless description of anorexia; at least I think that's what you're talking about. I loved the brittleness of her hair, ignoring the pain in her stomach--actually, having experienced it myself, you stop noticing hunger, even for awhile after you recover. Sometimes you just pass out because you can no longer differentiate between what's natural and what's not. "Orange-peel hollowed cheeks"--perhaps one of the most inventive descriptions of gauntness I've ever heard. It's an oft-covered subject, and you made this one your own.
Interesting look at the reality of the superficiality imposed on women nowadays, or even back a few decades ago. Sadly, this is a reality that has failed to transcend it's stupidity, it's lack of reason. The saddest part is, imposed by society and inherent through the parents obviously, that women makes these choices themselves...