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    dots Submission Name: Controlleddots

    Author: drowning_queen
    Elite Ratio:    5.44 - 245/270/52
    Words: 135
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1356
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 996


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Kohl lies beneath mascara spiders
    Damming the lake that has pooled there
    A drift of blush creeps across curves of bone
    Cherry lines trace sister peaks,
    Weighting and pouting sticky slimness
    Carved and clipped and covered she rises
    This being of infinite sadness
    This woman pinched and pained
    And posed on stilletoed heels
    Wrapped and slit and belted
    She scissor-steps toward laden tables
    Hoarding rabbit-shreds of lettuce
    A crumbling, crusted cracker
    Sips of water, an after-dinner mint

    She will run on skeletal legs for hours
    Her springing, brittle curls sweat-stuck
    To orange-peel hollowed cheeks
    No time for brown water broth
    One-hundred blocks still await
    And when skin-taut hips give out
    Chlorine scents will fill an aching belly
    Sustaining the lie scant moments longer

    Oh yes, she is in control

    Submitted on 2006-06-20 18:22:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      one dinky little nit-pick...

    i think that there needs to be a comma or elipsis between 'lie, scant'...or....'lie...scant', a little something something to create pause right there. Meh...just a thought. Usually reading aloud will reveal the necessary syntax.


    This is beautiful girlfriend. Really, and truly wonderful. There is a way about you that is so evident in your writes. I think you have a genuine talent for this writing gig.

    I 'feel' your writes. You know what i mean? That is because you have mastered tone and tempo. You have a natural knack for allowing the reader to hear your voice....your attitude. You can't buy that...study for it....either you have it or you don't.

    Most don't.

    (you do)



    --P.S. -- i love Chlorine scents will fill an aching belly'. Gawd that's just brilliant. And also it is a brilliant and beautiful convention to be already imagining her tomorrow. Beautiful, really.

    | Posted on 2006-09-16 00:00:00 | by twacky | [ Reply to This ]
      Flawless description of anorexia; at least I think that's what you're talking about. I loved the brittleness of her hair, ignoring the pain in her stomach--actually, having experienced it myself, you stop noticing hunger, even for awhile after you recover. Sometimes you just pass out because you can no longer differentiate between what's natural and what's not. "Orange-peel hollowed cheeks"--perhaps one of the most inventive descriptions of gauntness I've ever heard. It's an oft-covered subject, and you made this one your own.

    | Posted on 2006-08-01 00:00:00 | by Melora | [ Reply to This ]
      Flawless as to character and content. I loved the discriptions of today and tomorrow, showing the transition and the continuing efforts to maintain "scant moments longer".

    Dare I say I'm glad to be a man?

    | Posted on 2006-06-20 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting look at the reality of the superficiality imposed on women nowadays, or even back a few decades ago. Sadly, this is a reality that has failed to transcend it's stupidity, it's lack of reason. The saddest part is, imposed by society and inherent through the parents obviously, that women makes these choices themselves...
    | Posted on 2006-06-20 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      Carved and clipped and covered she rises...
    ... pinched anmd pained,
    ... wrapped , slit, belted
    ... scissor steps

    Sounds like the pursuit of beauty and youth is almost a violent endeavor.

    Well done!
    | Posted on 2006-06-21 00:00:00 | by annie0888 | [ Reply to This ]
      It seems like a very poetic way to talk about a very serious subject: anorexia/bulimia, or am I just imagining here?

    With everything you've written I definitely got this image of a once-beautiful sexy woman wasting away from only having salads, water and too much exercise.

    The last line carries such irony-- because it's the other way around.

    Oh, to be a perfect size ten waif, full of vigour and youth! Some take it too far in their quest, and it's sad to see.


    | Posted on 2006-06-21 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]

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