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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: In a Pearldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: impassive sky
    ASL Info:    17 / F / CT
    Elite Ratio:    3.65 - 185/190/55
    Words: 68
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 951
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 492



    Description:
       Similies...woot for metaphor.
    Its about looking past pretty explainations for something that cant be described.
    Edit Note: I just decided after re-reading this poem, that I dont much like it so...I'll take no offence if anyone decides to chop it to ugly little clusters.
    Its jumbled, but then again, so is my thought process.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn a Pearldots
    -------------------------------------------


    It comes on, like an acid-tripped explosion of color
    The explaination we're searching for
    Hangs, a taunting, teasing taste of truth
    Evaporates like a pill.

    And in a search for right words,
    Fitting descriptions
    It's lost, an epiphany hidden in a pearl
    Can't see past the shimmer.

    Mirages past the breaking point
    A two second bond identified
    Then gone again
    As though it never had been.




    Submitted on 2006-06-20 21:56:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i liked the first stanza...reminded me of drugs...it was emotional for me, but it prolly means something totally different to you than for me...going further into the poem, the way you wrote it was great, to me it was really about a loss...the mirage made me think of "blink of an eye" things...like love was gone so fast or a friendship that seemed like it ended right when it began...this made me feel kinda of empty because it made me think of all the things that have left me...this is like a dream...you feel like it is so vivid and its really wonderful that when you wake up you're mad because it was gone so quick... i love this

    rhaine
    | Posted on 2006-08-02 00:00:00 | by Rhaine | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the imagery a lot. You have a wee typo in the second line: it should be "explanation." I also don't think you need the comma in the first line, but that's your call. I can't decide if "a taunting, teasing taste of truth" is skillful alliteration or if it is bordering on a tongue twister. "It's lost, an epiphany hidden in a pearl/ Can't see past the shimmer," confuses me a bit. You may need a pronoun before "can't" because it sounds like the pearl can't see past it's own shimmer. If that's what you meant, then it's cool. I also think it should be "two-second bond." This is nicely done.

    I hope all is well,
    Amy
    | Posted on 2006-06-21 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]


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