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    dots Submission Name: Time-outdots

    Author: annie0888
    ASL Info:    49/f/LA
    Elite Ratio:    4.76 - 327/382/122
    Words: 57
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1099
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 340


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    The mail ran late today,
    But the phone bill was there
    All the same.
    The reruns spun on; the news didn't wait.
    They called from work to say,
    Can you come in tonight?
    And the rain had the nerve to fall
    on the very day
    that they buried my brother.

    Submitted on 2006-06-21 03:04:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Sorry to hear of your loss. This is a really good expression of grief, the fact that life goes on no matter what. You do a terrific job of imbuing this with loss and not even saying anything about him till the last line. Terrific work here.


    | Posted on 2006-06-23 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      Okay, I read this over several times, I think the moral of this little poem is that, "life doesn't care about a single person." I like the title of this poem, "Time-out." It relates to the piece as if you wanted time out from this day.

    You can't always get your mail on time, everything can't be fun, work can bum you out, mother nature won't let the sun shine, and it doesn't care about who died.

    I see that this poem is free verse and it only has one stanza. The words that you put into it is simple and easy to read for those that don't like big words. I like things simple. Is this poem based on one of your days? I'd be really ticked off if I had to work on a rainy day and my brother was buried.
    | Posted on 2006-06-21 00:00:00 | by Finnigan | [ Reply to This ]
      Such a poignant poem.

    "Time-out" is such a perfect title for this-- in that if I were in your shoes, I'd be feeling exactly that too.

    The tone is of... stress and sadness, written with sharp imagery that leaves a lot to think upon. And I also sense barely concealed anger laced in this... even at natural occurences we have no power over-- like the rain falling. But I guess work and bills are like that as well. I feel the biting emotion in this, truly.

    And I'm sorry about your brother-- my condolences, if that means anything coming from a complete stranger.

    | Posted on 2006-06-21 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very nice, moving write. I know that feeling: the the- world-should-have-stopped-for-this" feeling. I've stood on the street and wanted to scream, "can't you see this universe changing event??? does no one see or understand how important this is?" but they don't stop... they don't see. Man, you said this beautifully, and you know what? Everyone who reads this is getting a time-out because each one of us will read this and have the feeling of loss sink in. In this, you've accomplished more than a lovely poem.
    | Posted on 2006-06-21 00:00:00 | by parabola | [ Reply to This ]

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