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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Another Heartache, Another Trickdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: solemnpen
    ASL Info:    18
    Elite Ratio:    4.02 - 303/339/42
    Words: 173
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Serious
    Total Views: 1406
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1036



    Description:
       Feelings that I think of when I'm by myself then feelings that I live by, cause I know nothing else


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAnother Heartache, Another Trickdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Lost in the strobe lights
    Wondering in the night
    Without a way to go, nowhere to turn
    I feel the heartache, in my soul it burns
    Not knowing which way to look, I'm shook
    Writing 15 verses, can't get down one hook
    Gripping the mic, getting white knuckles
    Bobbing my head, as my knees wanna buckle

    Going on stage trying to set it off
    Girl broke my heart, got a thug acting soft
    As my heart keeps steering me away
    To climb back to her arms
    The crowd keeps chanting for me to stay

    Fuck you bitch, Imma do it my way
    you gonna keep my bread flowing
    nah, you gonna keep blowing and going
    Get off my shoulder with your tears
    You come crying to me, You gonna disappear

    Skating down Main st. on 24 denalis, trying to keep straight
    And I got this fool, begging to suck my dick
    Just to get to kiss my license plate
    I don't need this drama, ask my lawyer




    Submitted on 2006-06-21 03:08:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this one was alright man. it was easy to follow at first but after a while u lost me and i didn't know what point u were trying to get across. fallenone is an azzhole. don't listen to that bull[censored].
    | Posted on 2006-06-22 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]
      Did you mean "wandering"? The first two stanzas, if that's what you call them with rap(???), I liked. It's nice to see a piece of the person inside the tough guy suit. By that, I don't mean that you're a poser of any sort, just that you are one way on the outside to survive, another on the inside where it matters. It's nice to see the part that matters. Anyway, the last two stanzas(?) confused me as to where the point in the piece lay, and it took away from the first two. I think it would be nice if you took the first part and added to it in the same way that you started it, without ending it with the existing ending. Just my thoughts. Juvie huh? What happened?
    Hannah
    | Posted on 2006-06-24 00:00:00 | by AngelOutlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      Seeing these are lyrics.. I kind of tried to get a rythm with this one, and I kind of ended up with rapping, is that right?
    Anyway.. I think the flow was good, nice rhyming and you got a nice rhyming.
    This sounded pretty strong, and what I got out of it is that it is all getting too much.. especially now your girlfriend broke up on you...

    I liked these parts most:

    Get off my shoulder with your tears
    You come crying to me, You gonna disappear

    and

    And I got this fool, begging to suck my dick
    Just to get to kiss my license plate
    I don't need this drama, ask my lawyer

    Nice job you done here.

    Janneke
    | Posted on 2006-06-21 00:00:00 | by Darth Zeus | [ Reply to This ]
      pathetic display of rhyming and original work...honestly..rapping destroys the very essence of music..sad to see the degrading gestures invoked..lyrics like this make me feel like society is getting worst and that the world is as bad as they say the swearring related to this peice is a major distraction and should have been edited for bigotry and hate towards females..the object of your messge was very unclear and was hard to understand did you even have a meaning behind it or was it all just jibberish? reminds me of this stupid thugs on the streets thinking they are bad..but are weak inside..carrying their pistols..i remember when a fight was a fist fight...guess you guys got scared of getting your asses kicked... erase the whole thing and write something about butterfly's...you should just give up hope if your going to write like this...you show us you have no respect for women for yourself or for anyone else and thats sad...basically just a rip off of any other rap album out...great job...yeah right
    | Posted on 2006-06-21 00:00:00 | by fallenone | [ Reply to This ]


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