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Inwardly Bound


Author: Gannondalf
ASL Info:    38 M Oregon
Elite Ratio:    8 - 145 /24 /13
Words: 244
Class/Type: Poetry /Depressed
Total Views: 1186
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1637



Description:


I wrote this Wed 5/15/96 this poem represents that time frame for me. I have since learned my lessons as to who I call a friend. Hope you enjoy or maybe can relate. what ever the case please let me know what you think. All comments are welcome thank you
Sincerly Gannondalf aka Big Bear


Inwardly Bound



How deep is this ocean of emotion
that stirs the shifting sand,
to which I stand.
The beauty of the Jelly fish,
that swim all around.
Reminds me of those friends,
whom I've found.
Who seem to keep
the waters around me,
just enough till I slowly drown.
Drowned in emotion,
by which they help me create.
I'm my own prisoner,
sealed within a crate.
This ocean is all around me,
no matter where I go.
A garden of seaweed,
grabs at my precious soul.
Pulling and tugging,
doesn't let go.
If I can just free my hands,
from these strands.
The vines hold tight.
So tired I've become,
these weeds have finally won.
My mouth opens slowly,
the waters come in.
The Gates of hell smile again,
as my soul is set free.
Because after this last wave of emotion,
Tomorrow when I wake,
this will no longer be me.
As the tides change so do we.
Are we part of our own environment,
with in our own hell?
Constantly changing,
like the ocean's swells.
Do we surround ourselves,
with stinging friends?
Whose life like vines choke us,
from within.
Is it fair to pay the price, of life,
for someone else's hatred and strife?
Whom do we choose,
to help dictate our moods?
Are we strong enough to let go,
of those who cause us woe?
Or do we prefer to drown,
by the vines that hold us inwardly bound?




Submitted on 2006-06-21 06:16:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  I see someone wading through dark murky waters, like a lake. And suddenly with one step they get tangeled in some weeds. The water splashes and pulls them under. THey fight and struggle to keep their head a float, thrashing and kicking. But suddenly, they know it is over. They surrender and begin to fall, almost tranquilly into the watery grave.
This is the image that hit me as I read this. I completely and perfectly understand what you are saying. As victim to a few surly and ultimiately abusive friendships myself I am astounded how well you grasped the feeling of when you first brave up to wade out and become someone's friend. THen they hook you, tangling you up in their lies and life, then the overpower you, splashing in your eyes the real truth so you can't see. THen you begin to fight to save yourself, to perhaps reconcile with this person. But ultimately you lose, not only the friendship but a part of you. A part of you heart that will always be gone, lost and betrayed. Well done, dearie.
<3 Domenica
| Posted on 2006-06-26 00:00:00 | by beldolore | [ Reply to This ]
  Gannondolf, I think in this poem you're complicating your metaphor a bit too much. You start with the jellyfish metaphor, a fascinating and beautiful creature in it's own way, but one with tentacles and stings. Then you make a metaphor of the metaphor. Turning getting caught in the tentacles into getting caught in weeds. And then back into the first metaphor. I don't thnk you need the weeds metaphor. I think you could kep the poem with the single metaphor of tentacles and keep people in the proper frame of mind for the whole piece.
You could also go the other way and use just the seaweed for your metaphor.
The only other line that struck me as being out of place was about being stuck in a crate. If you're in a crate, how are you swimming and getting clutched by the weeds. It confuses the image you present us.
That's just my two cents.
Your rhyme, which as Jason noted is a bit loose, I think is a nice addition to the piece.
| Posted on 2006-06-28 00:00:00 | by DavidHirt | [ Reply to This ]
  How deep is this ocean of emotion
that stirs the shifting sand,
to which I stand.
The beauty of the Jelly fish,
that swim all around.
Reminds me of those friends,
whom I have found.
Who seem to keep
the waters around me,
just enough till I slowly drown.
Drowned in emotion,
by which they help me create.
I'm my own prisoner,
sealed within a crate.
This ocean is all around me,
no matter where I go.
A garden of seaweed,
grabs at my precious soul.
Pulling and tugging,
doesn't let go.
If I can just free my hand from these strands.
The vines hold tight.
So tired I've become,
these weeds have finally won.
My mouth opens slowly,
the waters come in.
The Gates of hell smile again,
as my soul is set free.
Because after this last wave of emotion,
Tomorrow when I wake,
this will no longer be me.
As the tides change so do we.
Are we part of our own environment,
with in our own hell?
Constantly changing,
like the ocean's swells.
Do we surround ourselves,
with stinging friends?
Whose life like vines choke us,
over and over again.
Is it fair to pay the price of life,
for someone else's hatred and strife?
Whom do we choose,
to help dictate our moods?
Are we strong enough to let go,
of those who cause us woe?
Or do we prefer to drown,
by the vines that hold us inwardly bound?

This is very good poem. Though the rhyme was slightly of in some parts it was still good.
I like the message this had about friends, that you have good friends and you have bad friends. And you must be careful when you choose these friends, for its best to be able to tell the difference form early rather than found out in a situation where you really need them and they are not there for you. And also those friends that say they are your friends to your face yet behind you back they do all manner of bad things to keep up down.

I could relate to the this write, for I have had friends of a similar nature at one point or another, good in the end they were found out and I let then go. I really enjoyed reading this.

Keep up the good work
and take care

Jason
| Posted on 2006-06-21 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]


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