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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I subside- let muses whisper in my eardots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: expiring_touch
    ASL Info:    30/f/Hamburg
    Elite Ratio:    4.02 - 137/245/159
    Words: 104
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1013
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 736



    Description:
       


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    dotsI subside- let muses whisper in my eardots
    -------------------------------------------


    I subside - let muses whisper in my ear,
    delight in sunshine, pelvic notes,
    which throb upon the rattling mirror.

    The rain has battered overnight
    narcissus into heavy tingling petals:
    the lusted ripples gently sway the light
    upon the wall of lonely children figures.

    But, do not weary yourself with idle puns,
    watch closely-

    all edges slip into the lazy summer
    retired stars pledge lunacy
    red-eyed
    to stooping midnight windows;

    they tied their ropes over the roofs
    and sniggered
    to echos cooing
    over anaemic dawns.












    Submitted on 2006-06-21 07:33:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      To me, your lyric "I" is punned too, an eye of the hurricane. The storm subsides, the poet steps down--muses enter (telling secrets) when the blind spots come into relief. And this poet in the background, and then the force of the poem, and then the throbbing mirror, and the rippling image of narcissus, all these vibrating membranes. And then the nerve---the challenge of the speaker asking that we "watch closely"---and what, when I am at odds with myself!?

    Also, for some reason the words "idle puns" rang in my ear as "oedipus" and stuffed in all these additional and strange connotations.

    The above nonsense aside, I think that this is an amazing poem. You certainly have a gift for musicality--I have learned a lot from reading your stuff--here stanza two especially stands out in that regard.

    The ending is very mysterious.
    | Posted on 2009-08-18 00:00:00 | by Aaron Felix | [ Reply to This ]
      I subside- let muses whisper in my ear
    -------------------------------------------

    I subside - let muses whisper in my ear,
    delight in sunshine, pelvic notes,
    which throb upon the rattling mirror.

    The rain has battered overnight
    narcissus into heavy tingling petals:
    the lusted ripples gently sway the light
    upon the wall of lonely children figures.

    But, do not weary yourself with idle puns,
    watch closely-

    all edges slip into the lazy summer
    retired stars pledge lunacy, red-eyed
    to stooping midnight windows;

    they tied their ropes over the roofs
    and sniggered
    to echos cooing
    over anaemic dawns.


    If it's possible to melt into your own shadow (or experience or environment) you've certainly illustrated it here; sensuality is at once sharp-edged, hypnotic and relaxed. As you are hushed, the muses sing. Unfortunately, I have no nits to pick, so the best I can do is wish you well.

    Nicely done.
    Bill.



    | Posted on 2006-06-21 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]


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