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    dots Submission Name: ** Progression of a Broken Lifedots

    Author: Caotic_Disaster
    ASL Info:    16/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 447/349/148
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 874
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 585


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    dots** Progression of a Broken Lifedots

    I dont know why you like me
    And I'm never really sure
    The way you hug me closely
    Makes me fell your love is pure

    I dont know how we got this way
    why your lying top my bed
    Your sweet, deep kiss entranced me
    And my face got hot and red

    I dont know why we started living
    In this messy room
    3 young kids, a dog, a cat
    Just better than a tomb

    I dont know why one day
    You marched in with that pole
    Thrashing it above my body
    Til Heaven took my soul

    Submitted on 2006-06-21 18:23:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i like this one, I can just feel your emotion, is this your life or just a poem? well i love the last stanza. good job:)

    | Posted on 2006-06-21 00:00:00 | by Mr. Creep | [ Reply to This ]
      on some of this i felt like your title, i just didnt know, got good and lost its substance and rebounded, it was all of the place, but you pulled it together in the end.

    J MO
    | Posted on 2006-06-21 00:00:00 | by J MO | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this poem. the title is perfect; it tells us exactly what we're going to get. it almost seems like there's a missing stanza between the second and third stanzas that would give the poem a more gradual progression.
    | Posted on 2006-06-28 00:00:00 | by freefloater | [ Reply to This ]
      The title of this said all. I don't know if I can say that this poem lived up to the intensity of the title. Certainly, the rhymes did not help the poem. I didn't think they were too bad, as some others that I have read are much worse. But the third verse really shows that this write needs to be free verse. I am sorry that I am being harsh, but I believe that is the only way to improve. On the whole, you managed this well but it could definately be improved if it were in free verse.

    | Posted on 2006-07-07 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]

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