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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: In Starlight We Shall Playdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dmm
    ASL Info:    50/M/Minnesota
    Elite Ratio:    3.81 - 741/888/102
    Words: 91
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1254
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 594



    Description:
       My brother in-law recently died and one cannot help but face their own mortality when death comes close to them.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn Starlight We Shall Playdots
    -------------------------------------------


    O death let me embrace thee
    as a lover once thought lost.
    Guide me from this earthly plane
    whatever be the cost.

    Fill my nostrils like the scent
    of freshly fallen rain,
    Take my hand and lead me
    from this life of doubt and pain.

    Play the song of sweet departure
    whose refrain I've heard before,
    Open up your arms of welcome
    as I approach that door.

    O death let me embrace thee,
    though others turn away,
    Let us dance beyond the cosmos
    in starlight we shall play.




    Submitted on 2006-06-21 19:54:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      When is it time to let go and welcome the knock of the long slumber?
    This gives me a feeling of having fought the good fight and now it is time to let go.
    It is a shame that we fear death and for those who have illnesses that slowly take their life as they fight to hang on to that thread of hope.
    I guess it is natural to fear what we don't know.
    Sometimes it is better to allow yourself to go.
    I think most people hang on because they don't want to leave those they love behind and can't let go untill they feel nothing is unfinished.
    Your write is very heartfelt and I applaud you for writing this for your mother-in-law.

    Awesome write

    Respect and Admiration

    Clyde
    | Posted on 2006-09-01 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ]
      Nively done Dan, you use the senses well in this, conjuring sound and sight and smell, strangely living things in a poem about death.

    Nice and neat, I recently saw my own mortality...rather a shock to the system to ealize we aren't as bullet-proof as we tend to think.

    Thanks for sharing this, and neatly done

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2006-06-21 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Fantastic poem, I'm glad I came across it although I'm sorry to hear of your Brother in law.
    I love to see a subject that is regularly written in a morbid fashion injected with such...enthusiasm/optimism.

    Lots of people spend time worring about their own mortality and the end. Myself included, at one time. I've developed a more optimistic approach myself as I've grown older, it's such a futile endevour after all.

    I only came across one minor point that I would raise in Stanza three line four, I think it runs short a syllable or two not massively, but an extra one may help the abrupt end to that stanza. Thanks for the read

    TTFN
    Phil
    | Posted on 2006-06-27 00:00:00 | by Vastmark | [ Reply to This ]
      First, sorry to hear of your brother-in-law. I'm never sure whether I want to say that to people when they say someone has passed away. It feels rude not to, but it also feels as if you are getting too personal if you do. Either way I'm not feeling rude now, but I apologize if I am.

    Anywho. If this is really the way you think about life/death then I'm kinda interested. I understand embracing it as it comes but I couldnt tell if this poem was meant for YOU embracing YOUR death or YOU embracing death in general. At first I assumed it was you embracing your death but that doesnt seem as sensible as the latter.

    When it comes to rhyming youve got it down. Great smooth even flow, overall you stuck with yoru subject, no mistakes.

    I like this. Great job:O)

    --Kayla
    | Posted on 2006-07-14 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]
      Such a sad poem, but this is something we all have to face one day either ourselves or someone we love.
    My brother-in-law also passed away and to watch the raw grief on my sister for so long was heartbreaking.
    You have made death in your write feel almost like a welcome embrace.
    I don't know if I would go that far, but I hope when my time comes I will feel at peace about it.
    Thank you Dan, for awaking our minds to ponder reality.
    ~Linda
    | Posted on 2006-07-22 00:00:00 | by AlabamaFarmGirl | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very good poem! I am not a big fan of the topic here of course but the way you look at it is lovely. First I shall say I am sorry to hear of your loss. Death is never easy, and I hope you and your family are doing ok. I have lost many in my life as well and I understand how difficult it is. This poem really takes an optimistic approach to death which is refreshing to say the least. It is very well written and expressed and your rhyme here is well done. I dont see anything I would suggest you change. Personally, the thought of death scares the [censored] outta me, I think about it sometimes and wonder what mine will be like, I suppose we all do that, but then I immediately change my train of thought before I freak myself out haha! You have done a fine job with this one. And again, I am sorry for your loss. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-07-18 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      This is the energy of the universe - the cyclical events that signify changes in energies and appearance but just part of the path of the soul.

    I like this and was happy to come across it as I'm going to post my prayer today I felt on Father's Day.

    Hope all is well
    love,peace,joy&smiles to share
    tif
    | Posted on 2006-06-23 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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