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    dots Submission Name: Haunteddots

    Author: Aken Sol
    Elite Ratio:    3.93 - 197/204/67
    Words: 141
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 765
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 847

       Just started writing again. Recent events inpired me to do so.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Along the road that echoes our memories,
    A melody chimes in the back of my mind.
    Innocence: the journey you take all makes sense;
    Tracing my steps to get out of your bind.

    I canít help but remember holding you tight
    Beneath the cherry trees that wept their pink tears.
    Sakura, donít cry under the broken sky,
    We knew it wouldn't last over the years.

    Wind vainly lifts dead petals up through the air,
    My heart pines for a sip from those lips of wine.
    An eternity passes in mere seconds;
    Emotions and reality entwine.

    I awake from my dream with glassy eyes
    Though nothing but silence shall watch me weep.
    I stare at the road I still recognize,
    Filled with thoughts that still haunt me while I sleep.

    Submitted on 2006-06-21 21:32:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      hi! Structurally I think this is not the poem for an abab rhythm, i think that making it rhyme is like forcing it to fit, Describe what you feel, make me feel what you want me to feel, the poet is the master of the reader as long as the reader can identify. We dont like being told how to feel but the greatest poet is the one who makes the reader feel when they werent expectiing too. Also some of your words are really overused and that makes it somewhat Hallmarky, thats not a bad thing just something i noticed. all in all i think you made a great attempt.
    | Posted on 2006-06-22 00:00:00 | by godiva0679 | [ Reply to This ]

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