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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: lovey stuffdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: unknown soldier
    ASL Info:    17/kenner, La (N.O)
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 1348/1346/203
    Words: 164
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 941
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 907



    Description:
       the rhyming in this is pretty poor. but i think it's easy to follow and it explains what we have pretty well


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotslovey stuffdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Now I can see why Chaz calls you my Wifey
    Because weíre always together and you hold me down nicely
    Sometimes I piss you off until you may wanna fight me
    You may slap or bite me
    But through it all you still have to admit that you like me
    I never want to hurt you, not even slightly
    I joke all the time but I donít take our relationship lightly
    When you said you were ready it kinda surprised me
    Dead inside, but that night your kisses revived me
    I tried to kiss you before and twice you denied me
    But our lips touched right before I gave up and put my feelings behind me
    When Iím lost I know youíre the one who can find me
    But Iím never alone because youíre right here inside me
    I may not be your boyfriend as you so often remind me
    But your love still sets me free from this solitude that confines me




    Submitted on 2006-06-22 01:32:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Showing your soft side again eh? This was pretty good. The rhyming could be better and the flow, but still you made it clear that this girl got your heart and soul. Very good work my dear.

    Catrina
    | Posted on 2006-07-01 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      u a fag real [censored]
    | Posted on 2006-06-27 00:00:00 | by heavy knowledge | [ Reply to This ]
      yep ur a big softy now!!! hehe!! this was really cute! its a fav in my book!! im glad u found somebody!!! good joB!
    ~akaila~
    | Posted on 2006-07-12 00:00:00 | by iluvpoetry_1 | [ Reply to This ]
      I understand the feelings you have and you portrayed them well
    however i think with the rhyming you can be more adventurous than rhyming with 'me'
    Solid but can be improved as you know
    John
    | Posted on 2006-06-22 00:00:00 | by hammyj | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this man, it cool that you found somebody you like I guess... thats prolly the reason behind all of these "love songs" lately its an odd little variety in what you normaly write
    | Posted on 2006-06-22 00:00:00 | by maninthemirror | [ Reply to This ]
      small yet of course you nailed it, this was strangley excellant because it was so simple, and though you rhymed at the end of each sentence, it never seemed forced, it was always smooth, great job here babe! ;)
    | Posted on 2006-06-22 00:00:00 | by SavedDragon | [ Reply to This ]
      get it. Anyways what would be a very detailed comment? iight i got it.

    your rhymes was tight
    the flow was just right
    and because it was about love
    it was just cool iight
    to me at this moment
    it doesn't need work
    so don't let others put u down
    cause hata's do lurk
    anyways this was a hot rhyme
    and it came from above
    oh yea by the way
    i'm glad your in love

    so how was that? lol anyways good job keep doing the things you love.

    DePoetry
    | Posted on 2006-06-22 00:00:00 | by Poeticprincess | [ Reply to This ]
      hey bubz, hope all's good wid u, this is soooo sweet, and the rhyming was fine no need to adjust, a nice dedication, i hope there is more babe,
    keepe um cummin
    kyrenia
    | Posted on 2006-06-22 00:00:00 | by secret kisses | [ Reply to This ]
      Bah, improvement my rear. You did very well. I think that as long as your feelings are expressed like you wanted, the write is fine! The rhyming was very well done I think, and the meaning was very clear. I know how you feel. I went through something like that myself. Keep up the good work!
    | Posted on 2006-06-22 00:00:00 | by precious_poetry | [ Reply to This ]


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