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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Onedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Caotic_Disaster
    ASL Info:    16/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 447/349/148
    Words: 75
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 716
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 504



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Onedots
    -------------------------------------------


    It happened like a flash of lightning,
    Stunning, amazing and true.
    I found it rather frightnenting
    That love brought me close to you.

    Without a word, a sound, or action,
    We ran through the starry night.
    Feeling the sudden pull of attraction,
    The power of emotions took flight.

    A deep, quick kiss,
    Followed by another.
    My whole body engulfed with bliss.
    I don't know how I managed to be with another lover.




    Submitted on 2006-06-22 16:57:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i liked the excitement but the ending didnt fit
    | Posted on 2006-06-23 00:00:00 | by G unit jeanne | [ Reply to This ]
      I noticed a few typos and I didn't like the word difference between all your lines in the last verse. However, from all the poems that I have read of yours right now, this would be the best or second after your first poem. I didn't see any problems in the rhymes and I really liked your wording. You managed to make a common topic seem original. Now, back to the last verse. I have a suggestion to make it look more flow friendly:
    A deep, quick yet passionate kiss,
    Soon followed by another.
    My whole body engulfed with bliss.
    I don't know how I managed to be with another lover.


    Nah, this is not working out so well. If you give me permission to remove the rhymes then I have some suggestions.


    Abbas
    | Posted on 2006-07-07 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey!
    This was great! It had great imagery and description words and made me overall just 'smile'. I loved the rhythm and rhyme and it did not sound at all forced. This is a very good poem. My only suggestion would be to add comma's and periods. Great job!
    | Posted on 2006-06-22 00:00:00 | by whisper | [ Reply to This ]


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    108044

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
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