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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Silver Bracelets and a Good "High"dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Halston
    ASL Info:    20/female/carlsbad,ca
    Elite Ratio:    4.01 - 72/71/30
    Words: 155
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 856
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1102



    Description:
       written at 15


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSilver Bracelets and a Good "High"dots
    -------------------------------------------


    There is a time
    when I am alterating
    highs and lows.
    when I cannot reach
    that sunny blue,
    I manufacture
    artificial highs.

    Above the graffitied fence
    Is where I want to be
    But I am slinking the streets
    with every silver bracelet
    I own
    Swimming around my wrists,
    The sound keeps me moving.

    There was an anger
    stirring in me,
    it beared it's teeth
    and with ruffled feathers,
    shook the ground beneath my feet
    Now there is this calm,
    Perhaps it's even worse to feel nothing.

    I don't want company
    it strips me of my nutrients
    and leaves my skeleton for
    flies and insects.
    I would bet money
    you'd pick you're teeth with my bones.

    These thoughts
    place me in a comatose state
    and leave me there...
    for now, a prentend high
    is good enough
    but what will happen
    when I run out of things
    worth thinking?





    Submitted on 2006-06-22 20:04:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I really enjoyed this poem. I know exactly how it feels as well. I mean, you want to disregard the sadness, and just toss it away so you can be happy. So you put on a fake smile but you are too scared that you wont be able to feel at all. I think I am in that unable to feel part.

    My only critique is about the silver bracelets. I kind of dont get what they have to do with the poem at all. Makes me think that you just looked down at your wrist when you were writing, and put silver bracelets in the poem when you saw them on your wrist. Haha.

    Never-the-less, I really liked this piece. Good work.

    -Randee
    | Posted on 2007-02-24 00:00:00 | by UnderlinedInRed | [ Reply to This ]
      I have only read two of your things, and I'm getting way too tired to keep reading, but I really like both of them, and was suprised upon reading them. I like these alot, and it's rare that I really like alot of things. I have a feeling it's because of the steam of thought writing style, and the "sinful" subjects for lack of a better way of putting it. To me this was a story of trying to lose yourself, and deciding maybe you didn't want to in the first place, but you already have. Now what? You feel like you don't have much, not much to think, and in the words of Isaac Brock, "If you're not thinking at all, I'm not sure why you're alive". Craving lonliness of your thoughts, you know, that whole feeling is what I got from this piece.
    | Posted on 2007-02-24 00:00:00 | by Ygi | [ Reply to This ]
      I quite liked this. I think this is really meaningful poem, and I really dig the way youíre dealing with your feelings. Iím almost 30 and youíre only 14 but believe me, things donít change that much. Sometimes Iím running out of things worth thinking, but something always comes along...
    ... when I cannot reach
    that sunny blue,
    I manufacture
    artificial highs.Ē Ė I really liked this.
    As I said, I like this poem, but it has some rough moments. You could improve your punctuation and capitalization. It is not that I think that is essential for a good poem, but it would make it read better.
    Stanza 4 is fine just the last two lines I donít like. I think they are way off... Do you really need something so spooky like picking teeth with bones?
    Any way, Iím glad I stumbled upon this poem.
    | Posted on 2006-06-23 00:00:00 | by Poly Jean | [ Reply to This ]


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