Wow. I love it. It reads so beautifully, and I loved the line "Bruised inside, and buried alive." I have no idea of what to advice. To my humble self, it daresay it's perfect. I've felt myself in this situation before. Luckily, I got my one, and many more. The last line rings with despair, but underlying is a slight note of hope. I enjoyed it.
this was amazing. ur rhyming was really good. i especially liked the lines with the internal rhyming. it's kinda sad though. u read the entire poem and it seems like ur ragging on life in general and i was thinking that u meant that u couldn't stand one more day of life until i got to the end and i realized that someone u cared for was leaving and that u wanted to stay with them. i really enjoyed this
hey bubz, i can totaly relate to this, when u have broken up with someone you have been with for a while you feel so lonely, it realy does feel like half of you has left and you didnt know how you coped in the world before them, anyway nice write if flowed good too, keep em cummin kyrenia