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    dots Submission Name: One more daydots

    Author: hammyj
    ASL Info:    21/m/Notts UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.71 - 130/81/21
    Words: 101
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 954
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 683

       Just let me know what how you feel, what you think etc.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOne more daydots

    Realisation, razor sharp
    A poisoned arrow through the heart
    Muffled sounds, cannot hear
    Until the time it all comes clear.

    Bruised inside, and buried alive
    Taken aback from by your side
    Cruellest tricks, you can devise
    You canít even look me in the eyes.

    Stomach cramps, soulís on fire
    Taken from me what I desire
    Got sold short on all thatís yours
    Love is draining from the pores.

    All alone, time and space
    The outside worldís a rancid place
    Wondering when or even if
    Iíll disappear without a trace.

    Just give me one day with you.

    Submitted on 2006-06-23 01:08:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like this one. It is really full of feeling and pain of a broken hart and how hard it is to cope. Really full of feeling.
    | Posted on 2007-05-22 00:00:00 | by Cokesu | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. I love it. It reads so beautifully, and I loved the line "Bruised inside, and buried alive." I have no idea of what to advice. To my humble self, it daresay it's perfect. I've felt myself in this situation before. Luckily, I got my one, and many more. The last line rings with despair, but underlying is a slight note of hope. I enjoyed it.

    | Posted on 2006-06-23 00:00:00 | by IamYourTragedy | [ Reply to This ]
      this was amazing. ur rhyming was really good.
    i especially liked the lines with the internal rhyming. it's kinda sad though. u read the entire poem and it seems like ur ragging on life in general and i was thinking that u meant that u couldn't stand one more day of life until i got to the end and i realized that someone u cared for was leaving and that u wanted to stay with them. i really enjoyed this
    | Posted on 2006-06-24 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]
      hey bubz, i can totaly relate to this, when u have broken up with someone you have been with for a while you feel so lonely, it realy does feel like half of you has left and you didnt know how you coped in the world before them, anyway nice write if flowed good too,
    keep em cummin
    | Posted on 2006-06-23 00:00:00 | by secret kisses | [ Reply to This ]

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