Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Preserved Stare

Author: Gannondalf
ASL Info:    38 M Oregon
Elite Ratio:    8 - 145 /24 /13
Words: 174
Class/Type: Poetry /Longing
Total Views: 1118
Average Vote:    5.0000
Bytes: 988


It's as if held in a jar. Suspended in mid air. You start to look at it, and it turns into a stare.

Preserved Stare

I had gotten up for I had hit the floor.
My eye sight was blurry.
I was at indy doing the 500.
I had forgotten about
humble, and what was meek.
50 years ago today, was the first time.
I had gotten my first kiss, on the cheek.
I will never forget that day dang nab it.
Cause after that day, I formed a new habit.
Yee ha before I knew it, I was called paw.
Time has flown by, since then with out a miss.
As I sit in this rocking chair and reminisce
I bet you remember your first kiss.
It's like a long lasting, frozen moment
preserved stare. Just the thought of it
my heart still races. The smell of her hair,
the touch of her lips.
A memory frozen in time,
well preserved in me ol mind.
Ye may wonder why I sit on the creaky porch.
With a blank expression and wind blown hair.
It's because I am there In a well preserved stare.

Submitted on 2006-06-23 04:01:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  This is a lovely poem of a precious moment captured for eternity in your mind. Memories are wonderful because you can always go back to a time in life and remember the experience. You can daydream anytime you want, and relive special moments in life everyday. This poem made me smile. I too, remember this first in my life. It is an unforgettable experience and feeling and reading this brought me back to that time. It is wonderful that reading a poem can generate a reflection of my own experience and that is what this has done for me. Thank you. I think this poem is very well written and expressed and the imagery here really gives the reader a feel for this moment. Nice work. take care.

| Posted on 2006-06-27 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  An adorable memory, one that most of us remember with a smile. I am at a loss as to why you used some of the words in this piece, such as 'yee ha'. Your grammar is interesting to say the least. Neverthless, it was a good read, I look forward to more.

| Posted on 2006-06-24 00:00:00 | by Jester_Gesture | [ Reply to This ]
  wow, that's... wow. it's beautiful. So full of passion to the point where I can feel it too. My condolences on your loss. I can relate so much to this. looking at it from a birds eye view this would seem really scatter-brained, but looking deeper, walking through the forest other than flying over it, just makes us realise just how true that is and how often a situation and mindframe like this occurs. I didn't quite get the connection between the poem and the title though. This seems like something almost everyone thinks but no one takes the time to write or express and I thank you for doing so
| Posted on 2006-06-23 00:00:00 | by bosse22 | [ Reply to This ]
  Not bad, I liked the slant really made it quick and easy to read. I think everyone remembers their first kiss..I'm having trouble seeing how its like a preserved stare though. I'll come back and read this one and see if it makes sense to me later.
| Posted on 2006-06-23 00:00:00 | by LadyChaos | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?