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Blackberry Winter


Author: mrmundane
ASL Info:    20/m/vancouver bc
Elite Ratio:    2.4 - 47 /96 /78
Words: 112
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 894
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1085



Description:


About the pain of loving someone you can never love and the feeling that gutteral feeling which makes you ill and cripples you.


Blackberry Winter



There is

Something

Below

There
Is something
Below

There
Is
Something
Below

The snow

It drifts
It sways
And shifts

It's prickles
Of Spring
On my
Fingertips

But there
Lies
Something
Below

There is
Something
Below

It

When the
Fog becomes
Lithe

I will
Whisper
To
The
Snow

About
How much
My gut
Boils for
You

But I
Realise this
Can never
Work

I am
So Jealous

Damn
Thissssss

I feel
Destroyed by
It and
You.

There
Is
Something
Below

All of
This
I
Know

There is

Something

Below




Submitted on 2006-06-23 07:56:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  This was ok...I mean I liked it, but something about it is bothering me. Don't worry, it's not the format, I liked that part, but at certain parts I found myself skipping ahead and not reading some parts, then going back and rereading what I already read and trying to get myself to read what I didn't. It's strange....it could be because I didn't gather all of the feelings from this piece that your description describes...I dunno.....
I liked the title, but maybe for another poem, I think you should call it "Something Below"....it fits more with your poem and it adds a bit more mystery. Try to work with this or wait for other people's opinions because I don't know what made me not so interested in this piece, usually a poem like this would attract me not distract me.


*tox*
| Posted on 2006-06-25 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]


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